Have you ever stopped to think about how you tend to react when you feel bad?Do your attitudes really help reduce discomfort? The truth is that sometimes we don’t know how to effectively regulate negative emotions or at least when we do, we still have a lot to do.
Let’s take an example: who doesn’t know someone who, after a painful separation, started going to parties to overcome the sadness and anger he felt?, may have been distracted at first, but in the long run, has he helped solve anything?Or has well-being been recovered by implementing a different type of strategy?
- “The emotionally intelligent person has skills in four areas: identifying emotions.
- Using emotions.
- Understanding emotions.
- And regulating emotions.
- -John Mayer-.
Emotional regulation encompasses a set of processes. When people go through them influence our emotions, particularly when we have them and how we feel and express them, that is, it is about how we behave, this way of behaving can be adaptive (beneficial and functional) or inappropriate (dysfunctional) But how do we know which ones help us and which do not?
Before we respond, let’s know the different ways of regulating the emotions that we put into practice, on the one hand we can try to regulate negative emotions by implementing active strategies, some of them are: a positive revaluation of the situation, plan what we have to do, investigate personal development, try to solve the problem or express how we feel.
On the other hand, we can use other more passive strategies, such as fixing the situation, reacting depressedly or letting go, without trying to solve it; finally, there are avoidance strategies, in which attempts are made to deny, distance or distance the mentally. disconnect from what happened and even implement palliative responses that combat anxiety, not the cause (such as eating or drinking to feel better).
“We must not forget that small emotions are the great teachers of our lives, and we obey them without realizing it” – Vincent Van Gogh-
Dysfunctional emotional regulation strategies make us more emotionally unstable; They also make negative emotions take center stage and remain in us; the results of this deregulation can be quite varied, but none positive. control, anxiety or depression.
As we said, in this box of bad strategies we have avoidance strategies and passive strategies, when we feel bad it is counterproductive to try to deny what happened, but there is an exception. When a story has a very strong emotional impact, in these cases, these strategies can be used at the first moments of the retaining wall for that emotional impact, however, even in these cases, we have to abandon these strategies at some point and adopt others. .
Nor will it help to continue to talk about it, focusing on our pain and feeling sorry for ourselves. Self-care of our condition, when negative, provides us with information to act. However, it becomes a danger to us when we fall into the temptation to become stagnant and not to act.
The same thing happens when we try to get rid of what happens by consuming alcohol, drugs or overeating, all these strategies eliminate the feeling of discomfort for a few moments, however, it’s just a bandage that will come out soon, so then you’ll need a bigger one. The truth is that none of these strategies help us effectively regulate negative emotions. Because over time, it keeps them active and intensified.
An emotion doesn’t cause pain. The resistance or suppression of an emotion causes pain. -Frederick Dodson-
What if this kind of strategy doesn’t help us regulate negative emotions?What would be the right strategies? These are the ones that involve actively facing what has happened to us. Among them, the ability to positively reinterpret the situation is one of the most important. In addition to finding a solution to the problem and putting it into practice. Stop thinking, but without giving in to inertia.
In addition, it can also help you find sources of positive emotions that restore broken balance. On the other hand, it is important to be able to express your emotions and seek social support and then assume the responsibility that the commitment to the final decision is in our hands.
The truth is that the practice of these emotional regulation strategies can be an extra effort at first, because it involves direct actions on our part, but that they are necessary not to let negative emotions become chronic in our lives?Learn how to effectively regulate negative emotions!
Images courtesy of Cristopher Windus, Daniel Easter and Matthew Henry.