Living with an alexitismic person is not easy. After all, few get used to living without a “I love you” or a “how are you. “
The alexitismic person, contrary to what might be thought, has feelings, feels, but does not know how to express in words his inner world of affections, emotions, disconcerting universes that block and disturb him.
- Nick Frye-Cox.
- A physician at the University of Missouri at the United States.
- Revealed something interesting and stimulating in one of his studies: some of the separations that would occur would be mediated by alexitimia.
These are situations in which one member of the couple does not feel validated by the other. In which, far from enjoying true love, he only knows the coldness and even carelessness.
Interpersonal emotional communication structures any healthy bond. People need more than someone by their side.
We want emotionally active people, receptive and expressive figures who understand reciprocity, who offer reinforcements capable of nurturing the relationship, nourishing affection and commitment in the day to day.
However, the alexithymic person cannot always do this, and it is not because he does not want to, but because he lacks mechanisms to respond to what he feels.
It’s like trying to speak in a language that isn’t known is living in a murky dimension where everything emotional permeates that vague thickness you don’t see, that you don’t understand.
For our part, we should try to understand this personality profile a little more. Living with these types of people can be painful, but there are always some strategies you can practice.
“People with alexitimia are lonely. They lack strategies to communicate their feelings, leading them to destroy much of the relationships they form. -Nick Frye-Cox-
First of all, you have to be aware of a simple aspect: the alexitismic person is not a psychopath, at the same time, not all alexitymic profiles have a psychological disorder.
In fact, we faced a personality trait identified by John Nemiah, a psychoanalyst from Boston, in 1976.
To identify an alexitismic person, the Toronto Alexitimia Scale (TAS-20) is used, the dimensions measured by this scale are:
A study carried out at the University of the Basque Country estimates that this profile can be associated with 15% of the population.
Often, there are those who make the mistake of thinking that the alexitismic person does not fall in love, it is not true. This personality profile also feels the needs of affiliation, starting a family, loving and being loved.
However, as neurologist Pablo Irimia points out, “the alexitismic person feels, but is unable to express these states in words according to context. “
So let’s see what strategies we should use to live with an alexitismic person.
Love, affection, complicity and admiration can be expressed in many ways, not just words.
To live with an alexitismic person it is necessary to understand that you will find it extremely difficult to verbalize your feelings, however, we can see them in the eyes and in nonverbal language.
In addition, one channel used by many alexitismic people is writing. The couple must find a way to reflect these feelings.
Collin Hesse, professor of communication at the University of Missouri, has performed several therapies in which one can perceive an interesting aspect Does the alexitismic person respond well to physical contact, caresses, hugs, kisses?Adopting this kind of language in a daily basis can make things much easier.
When words are missing, it is positive to resort to this emotional gesture, which encourages empathy, connection and, most importantly, relieves anxiety.
It is clear that the alexitismic person’s partner suffers, but the person who has this personality trait also suffers because they do not know how to communicate their feelings.
One thing we need to understand about alexitimia is that it has no cure, we face a personality type, not a clinical disorder.
Therefore, to live with an alexitismic person, you need to be in contact with different types of therapies to improve the relationship, so that you acquire mechanisms with which you can optimize the relationship and communication with others.
The three most interesting approaches are
Living with an alexitismic person is exhausting. The reason is obvious: many people are tired of giving too much of themselves without receiving anything in return, without seeing improvements.
That is why it is important to protect our psychological health, as we have already indicated, living with an alexitismic person can be a great suffering (for both of us), so sometimes there is no choice but to think about the relationship itself and make a decision. .
However, we must not leave it without first fighting for it, many couples have managed to find mechanisms that allow them to create their own language through which they feel validated, a relationship in which the voids are not excessive and coexistence is possible.