A couple’s world is very complex because it is a kind of social relationship between two people who love each other, but who do not always agree on everything, however, they need to live together and are forced to understand each other in a way. or another.
Discussion within a relationship is not a strange situation or a symptom of crisis, there are couples who do not argue but who have been away for a long time, others who argue with some frequency, but who are able to deal with other aspects of the relationship that make them an extremely healthy couple.
- There are many ways to express our rights.
- Interests or opinions.
- And most of the time we fall into the trap of thinking that we are always right.
- Without thinking about the price we pay.
Finally, discussions can become a game where no productive conclusion is reached and that does not bring any benefit to the people involved. The members of the couple end the discussion with tiredness and a feeling of bitterness in the soul, as cold as the cold winter days.
Among couples whose relationships are already strained, we can identify some matches. These coincidences often have to do with ego or pride. Out of pride repeatedly? We’ve put everything in to lose and we have to wonder if it’s really worth it.
Out of pride we react to defend ourselves from an alleged threat, this is assumed because, if we face reality, we often realize that this is not the case, since we are in front of the person we love and who loves us.
Many times we interpret situations in a sesso way and believe that others want to hurt us, so we act according to these thoughts, to avoid and not face the situation, or attack the other.
Fear lurks in us: the fear of not being accepted by others, of being not right, of not being taken into account, of not being important or special?
Another reason that complicates cohabitation between couples is the fact that we do not know how to resolve conflicts.
It takes a lot of work to reach agreements that benefit all parties involved. Fear is often the main obstacle to good coexistence. Is it worth giving up a few things?To get out of this situation, we often use anger and preserve our personal integrity at that time.
But what about the long run? Over time, this behavior interferes with the relationship relationship, discussions erode the relationship, causing resentment, boredom and even fear of the other or discussions taking place between them.
Accusations, always trying to be right, overreactions and not reaching an agreement are situations that undermine the relationship, and when we find a solution, it may be too late.
We could compare the relationship with a wrinkled sheet of paper, if we try to unmask the sheet, we will realize that no long as we try, there are always small wrinkles left because of the pressure we put on it.
Discussions are part of a normal relationship and it is impractical to get away from it. We can learn from the discussions, as long as we know how to handle them.
It is not so important whether it is an argument or not, but how we argue, that is, what we say, how we say, etc.
We suggest a few steps to take in the face of a conflict situation
Remember, we love the other person. The other has not magically become our enemy and is not someone who wants to hurt us, at least it is not normal that way, if you find that this is your case you better give up.
In a normal couple’s conversation, it preserves love, respectful words and affection. We may not agree, but let’s say phrases like, “Honey, don’t I see it that way?Or “My love, sometimes I feel bad about not helping me with the house. “
Put yourself in the other person’s place and try to think as he or she thinks. It doesn’t mean you agree with the way the other person sees it, but you want to understand why you see it that way. Understand that the other person has the right to think as they see fit; she has her reasons for thinking that. Understanding and understanding will open your mind.
We tend to judge others and start discussions with a ‘you. These are typical phrases, for example, “Do you irritate me?”, “Do not participate”, “You are a homeless man”. Don’t use your finger to accuse the other and be responsible for your emotions.
If I feel bad, that’s my problem because some ideas hurt me. So the right way is to say “I sit down,” for example, “Do I get angry when I see you don’t get your clothes back?”
Everything we have said must be done in appropriate nonverbal language. Doesn’t it make sense to call him? Ironically or apologize by gritting your teeth. We need to talk and act honestly, so it’s better to be relaxed because we’re not faced with this threat we imagine. Being relaxed means an open posture, eye contact, a calm tone of voice, etc.
Healthy discussion is a matter of communicative intelligence, but also of self-control. All this, more much love, turns an argument into something constructive, not a war that will shake the foundations of the relationship.