One, how are you? Accompanied by a sincere smile and a welcoming look that awaits our response is therapeutic and comforting, many times we do not need it, but sometimes these magic words are enough to feel that we are safe, connected with someone meaningful. and welcomed with the five senses of the heart to understand that no matter what happens, everything will be fine.
Evolutionary psychology, however curious, has much to say about it, defends the idea that human beings developed their social intelligence by promoting the care and protection of the members of the group and rejecting the hunter or the free and lonely collector, the individual who did not cooperate, who sought only his own benefit, denied or did not support his fellowmen.
- “The deepest principle of human character is the desire to be appreciated.
- Recognized and valued.
- “William James?.
There is a lot of archaeological and ethnographic evidence showing us that in the beginning of our agriculture peaceful cooperation and altruism were common and that, as a result, we managed to move forward as a species. that neanderthals cared for their elders with great affection, honored them without expecting anything in return, and then performed funeral ceremonies that demonstrated a clear emotional and religious symbolism.
Does all this prove that taking care of others, taking care of them, taking care of them?This is perhaps what distinguishes a particular species, a social group. In addition, any behavior intended to provide relief, support or care, a positive reversal. of our physical and psychological well-being, helps us survive and connect with each other in a meaningful and transcendent way.
So how is it going sincerely or in writing, even through a Whatsapp message, can it do us much good, much more than we think at first?
David Graeber is a well-known anthropologist who has gained remarkable fame for his social activism. One of his most recurrent theories is his critical vision of how money and economics completely destroy our original altruism, our ‘gen’ promotes cohesion, stimulates this essential union. between human groups to preserve our survival, our well-being and our harmony.
To justify this idea, Graeber tells us about the Inuit of Greenland or the Iroques and explains that in these communities there has always been not only sincere concern for others, but there was also no concept of doing a favor or even the obligation to return it. As the Inuit said, “in our country, we are human and care about each other. “If anyone needs shoes, just ask. If a hunter hasn’t had a good day, his neighbors will share his food with him.
As we can see, both in the past and in our present, there are groups of people who base all their interactions on altruism and an intrinsic, true and constant interest in this human being who, like them, goes through difficulties, needs, lives his life . Fears, your desires, your loneliness? There is therefore a sincere desire to look beyond the little island of the ego to cross individual boundaries and appreciate the other as part of oneself.
Something that we must certainly put into practice in our modern and seemingly “most privileged” societies.
We must admit that, in everyday life, the most recurrent expression of our cordial language is the classic “how are you?”We say this automatically, as the beginning of a conversation, and we rarely expect the other person to be honest, because we don’t give them much time to respond or simply because we prefer formalities and appearance to sincerity and emotional authenticity.
“Only those who know how to take care of each other can possess themselves. “George Gurdjieff?
In this society of appearance, as Eduardo Galeano would say, it seems that we have forgotten this principle of humanity of our most primitive ancestors, rather than a shoe, rather than a dinner or warm clothes, people need support, consideration, closeness, interest. attention and attention.
We need honest words and people who care about listening to us. We want this after a “How’s it going?”there is dialogue, that look that gives us enough confidence to bring us back, to get us out of our black holes.
Similarly, nothing concrete needs to happen for this therapeutic dialogue to promote emotional explosion. Most of the time, this simple “how are you?”We brighten the day, it makes us feel part of someone, connected with others, important parts of a gear with which life acquires greater meaning, greater authenticity.
We cannot neglect and fall into mere formalities, it is necessary to practice the art of consideration, recognition and reciprocity, let us practice how it goes every day, but concerned for the well-being of the people we care about.
Images courtesy of Clare Elssaeser.