Loving a lot, although it is hard to believe, is not always synonymous with loving well, because quantity sometimes does not go hand in hand with a true emotional and relational quality, love is not enough when respect is not achieved, not everything is worth it. and not everything must be forgiven in the name of a sometimes destructive passion.
Aaron T. Beck, one of the most influential psychiatrists in cognitive behavioral psychotherapy, explains in his book, “Love Is Not Enough. “In each of its pages we can see the reflection of many of our own thoughts and behaviors: ultimately, most of us remain trapped in the eternal idea that love can do everything, that it is an incombustible energy that heals and solves everything.
“Authentic love makes possible the paradox of two who become one while there are two. -Erich Fromm-
In fact, to recognize that it’s not enough to be “very loved”?Being really happy is a very daunting thing, no doubt, but in other areas the same thing happens: talent is not enough to succeed, neither money the key and the direct bridge to happiness long awaited and dreamed.
Life is full of nuances that sometimes despair and sometimes disorient us, and often put us in a state of total helplessness, loving much is not always a reflection of good love, this is something we need to understand as soon as possible to know how to react, set aside sad idealizations and be able to build stronger relationships , more satisfying and mature.
Many of us choose certain partners because we say to each other that “you are the right person, the one who suits me, the one who can make me happy. “However, the reality is very different, because as most of us know, no one?who falls in love; love, like passion, is not chosen. Come and rock.
Little by little, we plunge into a whirlwind of emotions, sensations and idealizations that make this relationship almost heavenly, and we tell ourselves and others that “our love is magical, disturbing and without cracks. ” Almost without realizing it, altruism arrives where there are no borders, only the? Live just for you? and a happy codependency where we love each other very much, and where yours and mine are annihilated to form an “ours”, where their own identities dissolve.
It must be considered that these supposedly heavenly loves, which do not know the conditions, are the most dangerous, because true love is earthly and needs conditions, both borders and borders to protect, private spaces to respect and balance to remain in it. Harmony.
When love is too much, it can become a tyrant and the following dynamics may emerge detailed below:
Codependent loves lead, sooner or later, to a series of practices that we must know how to recognize not only to defend ourselves from them, but also to avoid practicing them ourselves.
Are there fathers and mothers who adore their children, who love them madly, disinterestedly and without measure? They love you very much, but you love them badly, they are suffocating loves that wrap wings, frustrate childhoods, erase dreams. and even the ability to reach a safe and happy maturity.
“Who knows how to really love always wins. ” -Hermann Hesse-
The same goes for couples. There is no need to die of love, nor suffer for it, we must not allow him to renounce himself or self-esteem for the benefit of the other. We have to be picky and say things like “I don’t want you to love me very much, I want you to love me GOOD. “
On the other hand, one thing we are all aware of is that few things are as important and exciting as feeling loved without limits and without measure. It is a way of reaffirming the “I”, of feeling injected by an overflowing energy that moves envelops us and envelops us; However, you have to be careful and always keep your head cool, because love has limits and these establish its integrity, dignity and happiness.
If at any time one of these pillars becomes vulnerable, it’s time to get out of this gold bullion cage.
Images courtesy of Kenn Kim.