Talking about motherhood remains a difficult taboo to overcome because opinions on this issue are still contradictory. However, Israeli sociologist Orna Donath has collected testimonies from mothers who regret having children and published her research in the book “Lamenting Motherhood. “controversy in countries such as Germany and France, where motherhood is revered and institutionally supported.
Unfortunately, a study examining maternity repentance is not well accepted and is often heavily criticized, regardless of the importance of this discussion. Despite a controversial title, related experiences can happen to any mother, depending on the broad acceptance and understanding of the stories of some mothers who share their experience and the identification of a large number of women.
- The study examines how some mothers perceive their motherhood or part of it as negative.
- Causing an unexpected and unwanted impact on their lives.
- They love and care for their children.
- But for various reasons motherhood.
- The experience of raising a child.
- Has been frustrating or unsatisfactory for many women.
This study does not seek to glorify repentance, but only to acknowledge its existence.
Before judging a woman by your experience as a mother, you must ask yourself what she has to say about motherhood, listen with pleasure, because there is no scenario to follow, they are the protagonists of her story and do not want to be seen as heroines or supermambs, but simply women who have their own opinion and choose their path.
Perhaps when we talk honestly about the possibility of repentance, many women will be able to decide for themselves whether they want to be mothers or not, so that all mothers will be able to say what they think and feel without being condemned for it. .
The famous French actress Anémone said on television that she identified with this controversial study, loves her two children, but feels that she would have been happier if she had chosen not to be a mother.
Honest and honest, the actress said she had always been fascinated by the idea of independence, but that she had somehow succumbed to the pressure of being a mother and that’s why she decided to have children, not really knowing why.
Some anonymous mothers reported having experienced the deepest loneliness on some occasions, feeling that their decision was not the right thing to do when they lived motherhood, however, the participants of this research highlighted the distinction between love of children and the experience of motherhood. for his children and his anger at the experience that requires so much care.
Women talk about loneliness, intense stress from the incompatibility of their role as women, mothers and workers, but they also reveal intimate details, such as the feeling of losing some of their freedom, not enjoying sexuality in the same way and feeling strange. in one’s own life.
Women also point out that they thought that if they hadn’t had children, they would have felt very empty and would also face a sense of social stigma, but only because they didn’t know what they know now, since they are now mothers.
In the stories there is a sense of resentment and mistrust on the part of certain social sectors, because on the one hand, motherhood is required almost as an obligation, but then they do not feel supported in their work with children and become a kind of slave to what is supposed to be. It’s “the best experience for any woman. “
These experiments have been going on for a long time, but it is only now that this fact begins to gain visibility: the demand for progeny, the pressure of the biological clock, the enormous social and moral demands on female sexuality and high expectations. Creations have always caused the frustration of many women who, either by their own choice or by giving in to the pressure of others, have become mothers.
However, we now face new realities: the integration of women into the labour market, the decision to postpone motherhood and the denaturation of the digital media process.
If motherhood used to be divinized as an almost mystical act, it has now become an idea mixed with other concepts such as that of supermaman entrusted to this task to the limit, but able to quickly regain the form and live the same life that it had before. .
Currently you can see famous women showing on Instagram, magazines or social networks their pregnancy, childbirth, lactation and postpartum recovery The problem is not that women cannot show their happiness of motherhood on social networks, but only show a free process of difficulties and demands.
Immediately, a lot of women are seduced by the image of the power of pregnancy, regardless of their economic possibilities and the fact that real life is different from the image they love.
Today, many social movements support genuine family reconciliation and advocate freer, more protected and socially sustained motherhood. Each woman has her own history and psychological characteristics that offer a subjective and unique experience of motherhood.
Some women may repent even if they love their children, others may not repent and feel completely happy, others may have mixed feelings, and others may feel oppressed by specific aspects of their children’s motherhood or personality.
In any case, all women and each of them must feel supported and respected by a society that truly integrates a social and professional model to live motherhood.
In the long run, an exhausted woman can hardly bear the burden of raising a child alone, unless there is a division of labor at home and institutional support with more childcare and living wages. Not only because we are creating a new generation, but because the current generation of mothers needs this support to create a model of motherhood that is not so idealized, but much more respected and sustained.