To love consciously is first to love oneself, and then to disinfect any sick attachments or frozen emptiness that others are forced to soothe. To love maturely is to surrender freely to the other in a gesture of authenticity, but never to erase loneliness and never lose dignity.
Einstein himself once said that love could never be explained from the point of view of science, because this biological, chemical and fascinating act could never be quantified or observed under a microscope; however, the father of the theory of relativity was wrong. there’s one thing neurology has shown today, is that love is addictive.
“To love is not only to enjoy, it is also to understand. -Francoise Sagan-
Advances in neuroscience often erase our sense of romanticism and the golden poetry with which we sometimes cover our relationships, like somewhat poisonous bullets. Love is imbued with dopamine, and often causes us to fall almost narcotized to a bond from which it is very difficult to escape, or worse: to see the damage it causes us.
Love is blind, we know it, and we can all fall into one of those relationships based on a foolish, suffocating and intense attachment at the same time, yet it is our responsibility to open our eyes to see us first. we, who draw us from those private interiors where self-esteem and self-concept reside, is unhealthy, it is like setting one on fire in the fires of undeserved misfortune.
A curious thing in the scientific or clinical field is that much more has been studied about the depression associated with love deception than about the love associated with mania or addiction, and this is so for a very simple reason: historically and culturally, an image From this unbridled, passionate, domineering and blind love has always been viewed as admirable, positive and even inspiring.
You admit, everybody’s sold us the idea that the best loves are all or nothing. Those in whom we fuse half of our own hearts to create one, those in whom we give ourselves air to breathe and be saved from all our fears, healed from our own loneliness. However, you have to be very careful with all these images, as they all hide a tragicomic twist, bittersweet brushstrokes and the relentless poison of disappointments.
You have to be clear: relationships based on emotional attachment are crazy because they have a rubber in their hand that does everything. of our own personality, namely: self-esteem, self-concept, self-respect? Moreover, when we are subordinate to this kind of dependent love, however absurd, it is not easy to see clearly what is going on. It doesn’t matter if others warn us, it’s no use being told that “we’re not like that. “
Attachment-based love is stubborn and blind and has no feet or head, but a wide, wounded heart that needs its emotional drug, whose side effect is relentless.
Neurologists say that love is obsessive because it is controlled by Serotonin, and even that it leads to neglect because the cerebral cortex and amygdala lose some control, but the need for many of our behaviors to be the result of all this chemical shipwreck does not. means that we cannot love in a healthy way, through a joyful, full and full experience.
Detachment doesn’t mean having nothing. And nothing belongs to you. -Ali ibn Abi Talib-
The best thing to do in these cases is to invest first in your own personal growth, in handling your fears, in becoming an emotionally mature person and not in eternal attachment hunters to support yourself.
As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry once said, to love is not to constantly look at each other, at the end of the day we end up losing all perspective, to love consciously is to be able to balance the heart to look together at the beauty of the world united in the same direction. This is what we might call “having a partner conscience. “
This wonderful dimension, the ‘couple’s consciousness’, would be made up of the three ‘C’s. They deserve to think for a moment.
In conclusion, we must understand that the variable,Love ?, is not enough in the couple equation. A relationship is like a muscle that needs to be exercised through a sense of humor, respect and personal freedom. We must be able to foster this healthy detachment based on the absence of fear, on “non-addiction” and above all, “without addictions”.