Affection and its daily manifestations are undoubtedly the psychological and emotional tendon that sustains any happy and lasting relationship; however, there are those who do not know, can or refuse to shape this type of language. “hearts of ice”, people full of contradictions, fears and barbed wires that cause great suffering to their spouses and even their children because of their difficulties in expressing their feelings.
Unsurprisingly, affection and emotional communication in themselves are the cornerstone of any meaningful connection. This is the main reason why many people undergo couples therapy. It is very common for a member to express a feeling of non-recognition or appreciation, or even that there is a clear inequality between what is offered and what is received.
- Many psychotherapists define this problem as a “skin hunger.
- ” a hunger for skin.
- Although it’s actually a problem that goes far beyond the senses.
- We talk about uncredited emotions.
- Problems of expression of feelings that are not only neglected.
- But are sometimes treated with hostility and coldness.
- Few situations can be as destructive to a person as ending up in this structure.
- In such an abysmal emotional vacuum.
- Where sooner or later the person begins to doubt their own relationship and whether they are actually loved.
People not only need food to survive, the nutrients we get from our cells to carry out all these fascinating processes that allow us to go beyond survival, however strange, affection also nourishes us, offers us strength and meaning of life. belong to a small group of people with which we identify, with which we talk, but also with which we feel safe and happy.
An example of all this is Juan Mann, founder of the famous Free Hugs movement, this young man felt so deprived of human contact that he came for a while to think of the worst, abandoned by his girlfriend, without friends, with his parents separated. and her sick grandmother, she felt agonizing. Until the day something wonderful happened at a party: a girl kissed him spontaneously while sympathetic to his sadness, the cold, for a moment, disappeared from his heart and the world returned to harmony, balance and, above all, meaning.
He was never happier and, in fact, as he explained in a documentary, what fascinated him most was how people at first agreed with some surprise, but then, when they split up after the hug, everyone had a big smile. Won.
We already know that offering affection is such a “primitive” thing. Is it necessary that we not only see it among humans, because animals also seek every day this caress, this gaze that moves by our complicity, by our words of love?If this type of connection is natural, basic and magical, why are there people who act like true ice hearts?
On the other hand, there is another aspect that we cannot ignore: the style of creation, being born and growing in an environment of absolute deprivation of affection, where attachment is a sign of insecurity or simply lacks it, will certainly make many people who do not understand, appreciate or dare to offer this type of language that, in a way, they did not know in their childhood. Hence the trouble expressing feelings.
Finally, and in conclusion, there is something that we cannot forget, we cannot force these people to express their affection, because this strategy never works, besides, trying so directly can have a very counterproductive effect and get exactly the opposite of what we wanted, let’s not forget that these people have difficulty expressing their feelings.
The most appropriate thing is to work according to the needs of each person, according to their psychological and emotional reality, in many cases the most logical therapeutic strategy will be focused on working self-esteem, building a more positive and safe self-image. .
So let’s remember that behind this couple, friend or son unable to show affection, there is a deficiency or problem that we need to know and work with.