Our interpretation of the situation is what makes negative emotions appear or intensify more than necessary, this is the first step in internalizing and working what we will expose in this article: learning to identify the irrational beliefs that appear in this process.
Have you ever been irritated by something and, over time, you realized it was stupid?For example, you may have been saddened because you thought your partner was going to leave you and it never happened. Maybe you had an argument with your best friend, he thought he’d never talk to you again, and that didn’t happen either. Often our irrational ideas deceive us and make us feel bad when there is no concrete reason for it.
“Do you feel mainly what you believe?” -Albert Ellis-
Irrational beliefs are ideas we have about ourselves, others, and the world that don’t correspond to reality and often manifest themselves in the form of?Should I?. In addition, we treat them as obligations to fulfill.
Irrational beliefs create discomfort because they impose conditions for your own worth and happiness that are almost impossible to achieve, this is what forces you to learn to identify, modify and make them more adaptive.
Now we are all experimenting with such beliefs to a greater or lesser extent, the important thing is to try to balance them so as not to cause discomfort or at least reduce it, that is, we must learn to be aware of their effects. emergency, its meaning, and think of other realistic ways of perceiving what is happening to us. It’s complicated, but it’s the way forward to take control of our well-being.
Psychologist Albert Ellis listed 12 basic irrational beliefs
1. Need for approval: it is the absolute need to be loved and accepted by others, when we are young that is normal, but as we grow we have to try to do things because of the importance they have for us. not for the rest of the people.
2. Blame and condemnation: the tendency to judge and condemn others and ourselves. Now the reality is that we can’t control the behavior of others.
On the other hand, when we do something that we consider inappropriate, we must try to remedy it or learn not to repeat the error in the future, but condemning ourselves will not help us improve.
3. La frustration leads inexorably to depression: if something doesn’t go the way we want it, we consider it horrible. We return to the same situation as before: if something frustrates us, we must try to overcome ourselves to achieve our goal. objectives and, if this is not possible, accept the situation.
“Even when people act unpleasantly with you, don’t condemn or retaliate. -Albert Ellis-
4. Human suffering is inevitable, it is caused by external events and by people. It is our interpretation of events that brings out negative emotions. Therefore, the control of suffering is in our hands.
5. We must worry about possible threats or dangers, constantly anticipate something bad that can happen to us generates anxiety, rather we must focus on the present and, if there is a danger in the future, we will address it in due course. Course.
6. Es easier to avoid than dealing with situations, as we explained in another article, in the short term, avoiding may be the simplest option, but that doesn’t mean the discomfort disappears. will be bigger.
“The best years of your life are the years when you decide your problems are yours. It’s not your mother’s fault, ecology or president’s fault. ” So you’re going to realize that you control your own destiny?-Albert Ellis-
7. You need to trust others more than yourself. Social support is necessary, but this idea creates an excessive dependence on others. The ideal is to learn to be more independent and to do things for ourselves, which will help us feel more fulfilled.
8. Fear of failure and incompetence. We are not perfect and, of course, we make mistakes, to take this into account will help us feel better and to be more aware of our abilities.
9. The weight of past traumas on the present. If anything has affected us in the past, it’s always going to hurt. This usually happens at the end of relationships. People have this first painful and ‘close’ experience for new people, when in reality each experience is different from the previous ones and does not imply that it leads to the same suffering.
10. You must have control over everything. Trying to control everything that happens around us creates a lot of discomfort because it is impossible to do so, accepting it is essential to enjoy life and avoid frustration.
11. La happiness can be achieved effortlessly, inertia and without doing anything. On the contrary, when something really motivates us and forces us to be actively imploding, it brings greater joy than the one we receive “free”.
12. Don’t you have control over your own emotions and can’t avoid certain emotions?If that were true, why would we read this article?
We will identify with some of these irrational beliefs and others that do not, the case is that we all have them to a greater or lesser degree Don’t hurt yourself?That’s normal! Knowing them is the first step in changing them and feeling better little by little.
Main image courtesy of Ryoi Iwata.