? I can not live without you is a phrase that is found all the time in the usual songs, poems or conversations, without forgetting the radio and television with its telenovelas, melodramas and other entertainment spaces, in principle we do not realize that this is a strong declaration of dependence.
There’s also a lot of talk about “half the orange,” “I’m nothing without you,” “with you I’m going to end the world. “The stark reality shows us, however, that behind similar and perhaps innocent demonstrations of engagement represented by words, there may be something else. Perhaps a hidden enemy is present: addiction.
- “He said that love was an unnatural feeling.
- Condemning two strangers to a petty and unhealthy.
- Ephemeral and intense addiction.
- “Gabriel García Márquez.
As we can see, it is the same society that repeats the messages, in a tone of romantic love, that feeds this emotional dependence, precisely in these messages, love loses its meaning to become a silent struggle that gradually destroys the relationship. It never leads to anything good.
Do we know how to identify when we move from love to addiction?It’s hard to establish, mainly because pride and fear of being alone are responsible for putting a bandage on reality, but there’s a foolproof aspect that’s a sure warning sign: if you suffer in your relationship but can’t leave it, it may have become an addiction.
They live on their mobile phones to see when the couple connects; and when you connect and they don’t greet you right away, doubts, fears, anger begin. In the meantime, you may not attend because you’re in the middle of a meeting, in class, etc. There is also the possibility that at this time the person does not want it, which does not mean that he loves her less.
For this reason, many relationships have ended or are facing terrible problems, knowing where the other is, what they are doing, what they are thinking or not is a clear demonstration of emotional dependence, social networks become spaces of misunderstandings. The light that announces your presence on Facebook or WhatsApp has become an accusing finger.
It’s also like feeling like you’re not important to the other person. “What’s going on, you don’t even feel jealous anymore?Apparently, the person sins by default,, love, instead of being used to growing up together, shows one of their worst faces and exposes insecurity.
You need to safeguard the relationship, whatever it takes, it’s like holding the last piece of wood floating in the sea after a shipwreck, no matter if the pain multiplies. All that matters is not allowing that person, for any reason, to walk away and stay adrift.
We can’t eat or sleep. Our immunity decreases and we get sick. Right now, we’re missing manipulation. He or she is to blame for misfortune. If he leaves, there’s no point in fighting: “I need you by my side, because I’m nothing without you. “
The partner feels pressured and even guilty of the situation, although he no longer likes it, he stays anyway. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his whole life if he causes serious harm to the other person. He wouldn’t forgive himself. At this point we can no longer speak of love, if the relationship continues in these conditions, it has now become a source of pain.
Like everything in life, the first step is to recognize that we are facing a problem, to accept that in this wonderful relationship we have only one commitment that we may be keeping out of habit or out of fear, we must face reality with determination and courage.
It is common to fall into the idealization of the other and not surpass what happens in the early stages of courtship, so it is so difficult to build new relationships, because we are committed to comparing all the men or women who come to us with our previous partner Addiction leads to this rejection of everything that is not idealized.
Speaking directly and frankly is the key. It is not a question of imposing our point of view, let alone falling into manipulation, the ideal is to be sincere, to tell the truth and to free the other from a love that no longer gives life, but poison.
A breakup with someone we always love definitely causes a lot of pain, it’s a feeling similar to the feeling we feel when a loved one dies, we first refuse to accept that that person is no longer with us, then we immerse ourselves in a sadness for those memories that haunt us. After suffering, one equates loss: does something “click?”and we’re ready to do it again.
Images courtesy of Mr. Lafontan and Zemael