We must remember our early childhood to begin collecting all the messages in our memory that made us completely distort the concept of love.
Many children, when they come home and tell their parents that another child was bothering them, receive the answer: “Don’t worry, he does it because he likes you. “Or in adolescence if someone ignores us completely, our friends say that this attitude is precisely because the person loves us and plays selflessly.
- And so.
- There are countless phrases and situations in our memory from which we extract several messages considered absolute but terribly harmful to love: “Will the people you love make you suffer?”.
- “It treats you with indifference because they want to draw your attention?Is he jealous because he loves you and can’t bear the thought of seeing you with someone else?.
How can we undo all these toxic teachings about love?Because love is nothing like that. If love squeezes and hurts, this is not your size. It wasn’t made for you, because instead of making it grow, try to oppress it.
If many current behaviors come from the patriarchal system in which we live one day, with love could not be otherwise, this idea of love wrapped in passion, lust, jealousy, suffering, violence and discomfort hurts not only women but also men, who must assume the role of “supermen”?who may be light years away from his true sensibility and his understanding of relationships.
It seems that if a gender departs from what its sex dictates, then it will not be possible to realize the ideal romantic relationship that all of society expects, “great love stories”.
This love, however, is far from what happens among truly happy couples, the psychologist Robert Sternberg was the first to study the types of love that existed, and none of them appeared in his definition jealousy, violence, control over others or the isolation of others. .
For some problems, it is difficult to find the social origin that underpins the misconception that harms people. But in love, it is easily located if we learn to look with a critical attitude.
Some of the messages that come to us through movies and songs are subliminal, that is, they look like beautiful movies and songs but don’t actually expose a relationship naturally, so the stories are full of pseudo-romantic clichés. who don’t do anything else, so don’t feed the dysfunctional idea that most of us have received since childhood about what a loving couple should be.
A woman does not need to be rescued, and a man does not have the obligation to save a woman from anything or anyone, people, both men and women, must always seek to be emotionally self-sufficient and join another person because they complement and contribute to us. us more fullness in life.
Dysfunctional ideas about love don’t just come from movies, television or music. They are in every sphere of human life. That is why violence and oppression arise and it is extremely difficult to establish prevention at all levels. But only then can we change things as they are.
Not so long ago, for example, a book called “Marrying and Being Submissive” came to the Italian market. It’s not an ironic title to get the reader’s attention, it’s a book written to teach women to be good wives, just as the title suggests.
There are many indicators that can reveal that you are living in an abusive and dysfunctional relationship, which nullifies you as a person and makes you continually feel toxic emotions:
The person next to you doesn’t care when you’re wrong or when something goes well, just ignore everything that has to do with you and don’t get yourself, after all that he’s interested only in what you can give him and the benefits he gets from the relationship.
You have to adapt to the plans of the person, who did, ignore your opinion to spend time together, you’re just looking for the right things and you’re just someone else who’s there, without being involved in the decisions.
The person gets angry when you stay with your friends, who always criticize: this person practices selfishness because of the direct lack of self-esteem he has.
Jealousy is not the feeling of someone you love, it is the feeling of someone who is afraid at all times of everything and everyone because insecurity makes you feel that you are not up to the task and that at any time you can be wrong with someone. What you fear most is damaging the ego, much more than losing you.
Don’t respect your aspirations: you continually boycott what you want to do in your life, you ridicule your career, your academic or personal aspirations. It continually adopts an altive and ironic attitude towards everything you plan.
Are those your favorite phrases? I don’t even know why you’re trying, is it absurd to do that at the time of the championship, you’re not old anymore, but are you going to make money?From me?.
It is much better to be alone in life than with someone who only bothers us when he is with us, makes us pass through the front door of our house praying that the person is not or is asleep, because we cannot bear so much more. what comes from him.
Loneliness is wonderful if we learn to love her, and it will always be better than being with someone who oppresses, devalues and controls us to always obtain our own benefits.
Take control of your life and next time forget about tales and princes and create a true story, in which both of you practice understanding that makes love much more interesting and lasting than those sold to us in movies and songs.