Is it possible to have a relationship and stay free? It’s amazing how easy it is to develop control relationships, even between people who want to avoid them. Most people want to be free and do not want to maintain a relationship in which they want to feel controlled, however, they want at the same time to feel united with other people who are important to them, they are the two sides of the coin between which we must find a balance.
There is something about us, deeply ingrained in our being, that drives us to want to make connections with others. It is not something logical or physical; it is a spiritual necessity. The mind wants to be free and, at the same time, wants to be related to someone.
- At the bottom of the problem is the feeling of insecurity.
- The lack of confidence in our own judgment.
- If we need someone else to give us approval to get a reinforcement.
- We have a big problem.
- We give it excessive power over our image of We get in the best conditions for them to control us.
“We let someone control us because of our sense of insecurity, for the lack of confidence in our own opinion. “
Deep feeling of insecurity can develop in different ways, often appears in childhood and in the family environment, but there are exceptions, develops from a number of false beliefs and is reinforced by the need for acceptance.
We were not born as a blank canvas, clean, empty and able to write the first letters on it. We came into this world with what we might call “birth team. “This equipment included the foundations of a gradually definable personality, a certain intellectual potential and a series of inclinations and predispositions.
Besides, we weren’t born with an innate lack of self-esteem. He had no natural inclination to question himself. We also don’t question our abilities or our value. Children are born by fully accepting themselves for who they are. The phenomenon of selflessness is a seed that grows as a result of certain circumstances, as if someone were planting it for us.
Throughout children’s education, parents sometimes make mistakes and sometimes these mistakes have long-term consequences. That’s life. Children need the unconditional love and company of their parents, and when they don’t get it, the embryo can develop insecurity.
Some children do not receive the affection and acceptance of one parent, but they do receive from the other; on the other hand, there are children born in homes where both parents cannot give them the love and advice they so desperately need. .
“Children need the love and unconditional companionship of their parents. When they don’t get what they need, the insecurity embryo can grow in them.
They end up assuming a lack of love and guidance as a normal dynamic in their lives, place them in the trunk of what they consider normal and acceptable in a marital relationship, between parents and children and between couples. So, successively, this behavior is found in all the roles they play throughout their lives.
Insecurity can also develop among children who receive this support, for example, when they arrive at school, there are children who are rejected by other students and who feel that trust in their own judgment is not the right thing to do. opinions of others, but give these judgments a truth that compromises their self-confidence.
Before we can connect with someone else and maintain a healthy relationship, we have some tasks to do. Change starts from within and it is important to find our ‘inner self’. It means regaining faith in ourselves and getting rid of faith in our supposed incapacity.
“True love is not self-love, it is what leads the lover to open himself to others and life; he doesn’t suffocate, he doesn’t isolate, he doesn’t reject, he doesn’t continue: don’t you accept?? Antonio Gala?
When two people are really working on their relationship, they need to become firmer, more intimate and close. It is the meaning of creating a long-term relationship: to evolve together and develop a project that enriches over time.
A relationship must be based on strong and honest love, mutual love and acceptance. Controlling someone is trying to turn them into someone different from what they are.
Authentic and unconditional love includes a commitment to respecting the freedom of others, just as you have the opportunity to leave a relationship if you feel it is time to do so.
Unconditional love also means allowing the other to evolve. We want the best for the person we love, or what is the same, we want that person to move forward and grow as much as possible.
We must communicate with respect to preserve dignity within the relationship. Disrespect is simply intolerable. If our partner is free, he will not tolerate disrespect, and if we are free, we must not tolerate it either. There is nothing on the balance of love that can justify disrespect.
Acceptance of our differences affects the very essence of freedom in a romantic relationship, we have the opportunity to accept our respective originality or reject it, if we choose the latter option, it is no longer necessary to say that we are rooted in love.
We learn from each other through our differences, the gaps are part of the price we have to pay to access this wealth that others can potentially offer us, so we can take our respective differences as goals of our own growth, all couples have something to teach each other.
This idea of learning from each other creates the definitive opportunity to maintain a relationship of cooperation, in which there is no place to be a prisoner, in which we are free to learn from our partner.
It takes a lot of strength to accept our partner as a free spirit, the reason is that the risk of losing it is enormous, when we feel that we do not deserve what we have, we take precautions to preserve it, we can become controllers. , whether or not we have been controlled in previous relationships.
“You have to be very brave to accept your partner as a free spirit, let it grow and grow without falling into control. “
The more we accept each other’s freedom, the greater the likelihood that he will stay with us. If we want to be free and our partner is free, we must respect an individual right. This right is nothing but your freedom of choice. us or stop doing it.
In any case, it is only respecting and protecting their freedom that we can do the other same within the couple, so that we can continue to love this being that once conquered us.