In recent years the concept of toxicity has become fashionable, especially in personal relationships, we are surrounded by toxic people who hurt us and deprive us of positive energy, whether as a family, as a couple, at work or as a group of friends. .
Bernardo Stamateas, a psychologist and writer, defines toxic people as those who have behaviors that reinforce our weaknesses, fill us with responsibilities and frustrations, try to reduce our self-esteem consciously or unconsciously. But what happens when toxic people are us?Do they have certain behaviors that, without us realizing it, can harm other people?Let’s think about it.
- Nobody likes to know it hurts others.
- It’s easier to blame the other person.
- Look at what’s wrong.
- And repeatedly show them what needs to change.
- The problem is.
- We’re all.
- At some point in our lives.
- Toxic.
Examples of this are victimistic, selfish, and manipulative behaviors to try to convince others to do what we want, or when we are unable to value the successes of others and criticize their dreams and illusions. Do we reject their opinions or do we act as a victim?Think also of those moments when we remain in our position, anchored only in pride, although we know that we are wrong and that we hurt the people around us, so we are also toxic.
Suddenly we can find ourselves in a negative spiral, a spiral whose central axis is the attempt to control others, the imposition of our will or the need to be the center of attention. Being a toxic person isn’t that hard and we’re not. even realize it often.
Perhaps no one has told us that there are different degrees of toxicity and that attributing a personality to the toxic label is generalizing; Generalize a lot, because usually only certain behaviors are problematic, not all, but what is behind these behaviors?
When we demonstrate this type of behavior, we bring out internal needs and unresolved conflicts through a negative perspective, the weight of the past, fear, emotional emptiness or mismanaged guilt can lead to the onset of toxicity, as well as low levels of emotionality. responsibility and empathy. Toxicities are a means of dealing with situations and emotions.
We are not only toxic to others, but also to ourselves; we can become our worst enemies. The treatment we give ourselves and the way we talk about ourselves influences and condemns us, we become judges of our actions, calling them insufficient or negative, in this way we will treat each other toxicly, causing discomfort, undermining our self. esteems and damages our relationships with conflicting behaviors.
We must not despise or blame ourselves when we make a mistake. A mistake doesn’t mean we’re abusing ourselves. On the contrary, if we are kind, we can see what happened from a different angle and test new strategies, thus improving our relationships.
Accepting that we are toxic involves a lot of sincerity and a high level of emotional responsibility, this is the first step to change. To do this, it is important that we pay attention to our behaviors in order to detect the toxic dynamics we use and to be able to go further: discover what emotional deficiencies we are trying to hide.
We can see that our attempt to control others is due to a lack of internal security, that our negativity is the result of a highly critical upbringing, and that we must open ourselves to other, more positive points of view, or that our emotional manipulation is the result of a deficiency in our emotional development that can be reinforced by strategies of recognition, expression and control of our emotions.
The important thing is to accept that we have conflicting behaviors and that we have to take responsibility for them to know what their true mechanisms are, it’s not about criticizing what we feel, it’s about taking responsibility for ourselves.
To prevent toxicity from gaining ground in our lives, the key is to integrate emotional responsibility into our day-to-day life, a sign of maturity that involves taking control of our lives and realizing that we cannot give the other the power over what we feel. Do you cultivate emotional responsibility?
Toxicity is an activated mechanism to protect our injuries, and the best way to prevent this from happening is emotional responsibility, life is not so simple and each of us is a set of stories and circumstances that have taught us to defend ourselves from pain and suffering. , sometimes in a healthy and sometimes toxic way. The point is to become aware of these mechanisms and turn the toxic into an opportunity for growth.