You can choose the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but not the people who accompany you, family and friends of the spouse can be a problem in the couple’s life, contributing even to the end of the relationship.
“All happy families are the same;
each of the unfortunate has its own misfortune ?
? Leon Tostoi?
One phrase that justifies bad relationships or est esttachment with the spouse’s loved ones is “I’m not committed to your family, but to you. “However, we must know that when we engage with someone, we also do so with the world around us. We do not have to have good relations with the peoples of this world, but we must try to maintain a cordial relationship.
On the other hand, getting along or wrong with someone else depends on several factors, because each family is a world, it is one thing to live miles from in-laws and brothers-in-law, and another very different is sharing. the same house or being two blocks away.
Women tend to establish a closer bond with the husband’s family (in general). This bond can be a great source of happiness when shared and cared for, but on the other hand, closeness also increases the likelihood of more sparks.
The worst situation we can face in this regard is when one of the parties, whether the spouse or family, pressures the person to choose between one of the two that have been formed. We dare not give a single solution to this conflict because it requires a thorough analysis of each situation, but we can say a few things.
Even after this critical moment, things can be redirected, it is not uncommon for people who claim this option to do so as a last letter, to demand more attention or to gain a little more space in front of the other person. , will withdraw your application without further complications.
On the other hand, when that choice is on the table, there is often a long way to go behind conflicts that have not been resolved at the right time, as we have already said, there can be a thousand situations and the one that I will describe now is certainly not the same as yours, but it is one of the most common. In many couples, even when the two people who train him have come of age, one or more parents still think that their son or Daughter is an adorable helpless young woman in the face of a world full of dangers.
And so they continue with the intention of taking care of themselves in an overprotective, controlling and in some cases even dictatorial way. It is difficult for the spouse of the person who has such a parent to feel comfortable. Imagine planning your vacation and informing your family members. parents, and that one of them opposes the plan they have made, manifests openly and seeks to sabotage it using less than noble psychological strategies (e. g. emotional blackmail).
In all cases, a parent who interferes generally doesn’t have much affection unless the son or daughter consents. As a rule, when parents and children have not matured, serious problems occur, so one wants to protect and the other wants to be protected. In this way, it is up to the children to take distance from their parents when they realize that, even with good intentions, they are invading their happiness.
On the other hand, to believe that a bad relationship with the spouse’s family is always the fault of its members would be to lose the truth. There are many other cases where the person who is not acting properly is the spouse. A common situation often occurs when it comes to young children and the spouse does not want them to share time with their families for no reason, or when there is a holiday and the person uses noble psychological strategies so that dates are always celebrated with their family and not with their wife.
Except for rare exceptions, the answer is yes. There’s no particular reason why you can’t get along with your spouse’s family, but it’s very true, as we said earlier, that there are people who make things harder than others.
For the sake of simplicity, let’s put ourselves in the position of a girl who has been with her boyfriend for a while and together they decided it was time to start making family presentations, it is true that this situation tends to create tensions in the early stages. , because the people involved assume that they are faced with an evaluation context.
This interpretation of the context can go away anxiously, but can you also stand firm and strong Is there a boy who has frequently shared the table and towel with his in-laws?And they always fear that at any time, their partner’s father will show the shotgun. This is understood as a small joke, but also as an image of what sometimes happens on a smaller scale.
If this feeling never goes away, is it very difficult to maintain a good relationship between the couple and the in-laws,?Because no one likes to be continually in a context where they feel valued. In this situation, most of our behaviors we are artificial and do not feel. Moreover, in a situation like this, sincere and open communication, which is fundamental to resolving a conflict, is very difficult.
Thus, there remains a tense relationship for no reason to face, but it is very difficult to maintain one with reasons to face, because the right channels of communication have not been created to solve it. What usually happens, if the situation becomes dramatic, it is that both sides end up pointing to the confrontation on their list of highlights, in case it is ever necessary to face a battle.
In situations like this, the person in the middle of the fight has a really unpleasant role. On the one hand and on the other, you need to hear things that you don’t like and that make you sad, coming from the people you love, yet whether the situation improves or gets worse will depend a lot on your social skills, your ability. be a good communication channel.
Only you will get this answer based on your particular situation. You should remember that it is very important to maintain a good relationship with the spouse’s family, before saying yes at the altar or signing the certificate at the registration office.
It’s not an obligation to put a false smile on their face every time they come home for lunch, or hate them in secret, but to learn to accept that these people have been in your spouse’s life much longer, certainly sooner. you know that.
It can be nice to put someone else’s shoes on. That means, how would you feel if your partner made you choose between your family or him or her?How would you like to see Sundays, birthdays or holiday season?What if your spouse said you don’t support your parents?
It’s good to be objective and assume that we all have strengths and weaknesses. We can’t expect others to change if we don’t do it ourselves first. So, if your spouse’s family isn’t “ideal,” learn to identify positive things (we all have something that stands out).
Also, if you really love your spouse, you may want to know that you’ve agreed to be with him for the rest of your life, regardless of adversity, of course, because a mixed or very present family can be included in the group of “problems to overcome as a couple?”and help you strengthen the bonds between you.
Can we accept our spouse’s family to such an extent that it seems that we are also going to marry them?Extremes are never good. It’s not about never seeing them, or having them inside our house at all times. Whatever affection you have for them, should the couple be enough?Waterproof? So as not to let third parties interfere with lifetime decisions together.
However, there are some tips for you to get along with them and not all be a battle, a fight or a forced silence:
First, you must set certain limits. Know what you can and can’t accept when you visit your spouse’s family or go home. Make it clear from the outset what these limits are without negotiating. Who should you talk about? With her husband, of course. It may be open enough to speak directly to the person involved, but it’s not always a good idea. Some can be quite sensitive and create additional problems. Be careful.
Don’t put your spouse between the cross and the sword, forcing him to choose between you and your family. We all have the right to maintain our ties. Besides, parents are parents and that doesn’t change anything. If the situation becomes unbearable, don’t spend time with them, but don’t force your spouse to leave it unless it hurts you.
Another way to get along with your spouse’s family is to think about who you have with you, not yourself all the time. This means that if you have to go to lunch with your in-laws, do it for your spouse’s happiness. It’ll be a detail you’ll probably appreciate.
Try to be yourself. Don’t be artificial. Your in-laws are always people with interests, needs and a great desire for your child to have the best, if you are yourself, your spouse will probably recognize you more in the time you spend with his family, and you will have a greater sense of happiness, if you are usually a happy person and you are the most bitter person on the planet at that time , it’s hard for your spouse to recognize you as the person you’re in love with and therefore pass it on to your parents.