Our heart must not have owners, rented land or fitted corners, it is ours, it has a single owner and we are ourselves, because thanks to it we promote our autonomy, thanks to it pumps enough love for oneself and oxygen of oneself. he esteems being able to fully love, to be able to appropriate our ways and architects a dignified life.
Achieving that personal autonomy, which in turn integrates the feeling of intimacy with the important people we love, is not exactly an easy task. In fact, if we look at this more classic and traditional pattern of relationships, we will find that autonomy and intimacy have been declared, in a way, incompatible.
“A great heart, no ingratitude closes, no tired indifference. -Leon Tolstoy-
On the other hand, there is no shortage of philosophical currents that remind us that no one is immune to any influence when it comes to marking fate and charting the way, we are all subject to certain social, cultural and even ideological norms. Far from internalizing such approaches at deterministic times and lacking a little optimism, it’s always good to remember what individual psychology studies say.
We must strive to integrate a true commitment to ourselves into our pillars. Personal autonomy and the ability to decide at all times what we want and what we do not want is a basic principle of psychological well-being, which deserves part of our daily effort. Our heart, understood as this metaphorical dimension where our emotional world and even our identity is enclosed, is a constantly growing universe.
Let us then allow you to develop by always feeling like yourself, but at the same time, being humble and sensitive enough to know how to connect with the people around you in an authentic way, because the balance is magical.
Leave the professional project because our partner asks for it. He gives up the love of our lives because he’s not to our parents’ taste. It changes our aficiones because our friends always have other plans. goals (?)
These would be generic and general examples of what is supposed to be done against our own dignity, self-esteem and identity. Such sabotage, and it is important to consider it, does not come exclusively from the people around us; it also comes, and in many cases especially, from ourselves.
We must not blame only those who put us in the reins and the barriers of control, let us assume our responsibilities by understanding that whoever surrenders and succumbs to such imprisonments and violations is also ourselves.
On the other hand, remember that anyone who leaves the head of life in the hands of others does not do so in time or spontaneously, in fact, it is a daily exercise that is deliberately neglected, as one day decides to stop bathing. , going to the bathroom, brushing your hair or cutting your nails, is psychological hygiene and an emotional health principle that is postponed and even given to others, that is not enough.
Self-worth should not be touched by the hands of others, no one can (and should not) plant the seed of their selfish desires in our hearts, nor sell us goals that do not correspond to our values. Besides, importa. si those hands used to boycotting our identity are those of our partner, our parents or our so-called best friend.
There are territories that are private and no one can go through, taking care of the properties of our being is something that concerns us, it is a daily hygiene task that cannot be overlooked at any time.
Dr. Carol D. Ryff of the University of Pennsylvania is one of the greatest representatives of positive psychology. Between 1989 and 1998, he developed the interesting model of “psychological well-being”, which today remains one of the most rewarding contributions to people. personal growth It has a lot to do with the health principle we just talked about.
“You can only see with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes. ?Saint Anthony Exupéry?
We suggest you reflect on your main points to start working now on your own emotional and psychological autonomy.
One of the most interesting points of Dr. Ryff is that it has to do with neuroscience, as he explains, when something happens around us that goes against our values or when someone imposes their opinion on us or forces us to do something we don’t do. I don’t like it, our limbic system reacts instantly.
This emotional structure of the brain is like an alarm. It’s this inner siren that whispers to us “watch out, something is wrong. Instantly, stress and cortisol appear in our bloodstream. Ideally, in those cases, we should be able to perceive this sensation,” and simply count to 10. Afterwards of that, react to our real needs.
It’s not easy, but we can do it little by little if we learn to integrate these principles of psychological well-being into our lives.
In conclusion, we are aware that these strategies are not given overnight, it takes willpower, courage and perseverance, however remember, if at any time you feel stagnant or find that you are losing autonomy, apply the most conventional medicine of all. : breathe, count to 10 and REACT, because in your heart only YOU.
Images provided by Orestes Bouzon.