There are people who can’t tolerate the slightest setback. When your desires are not satisfied, you experience great discomfort. When your plans are swallowed, a marked intolerance to failure can be detected. This also happens to them when they experience unpleasant sensations and feelings.
It’s normal that no one likes to feel frustrated or weak, but life isn’t perfect. We’d all like to see everything go as we predicted, but the reality is different. There’s a phrase that says “life isn’t the way you want it, life is the way it is. “However, no matter how successful this claim is. Sea, there are a lot of people who don’t think so.
- We want everything for now.
- Without delay.
- Right away.
- In addition.
- What we hope should happen in a way that is pleasant or satisfying to our interests.
- Yes.
- We do.
- Or.
- At least.
- Many think so.
- And with this way of thinking they build all those patterns (representations of the world) with which they work.
Have we all heard that you must be happy? Or “you mustn’t feel sad. “When you use the verb “should”, you should be very careful. Why? Well, because nothing should be in a certain way, things are as they are, to the extent that we think they should be, duty can motivate or demotivate change, but under no circumstances does it produce it.
If we think otherwise, we will spend our time moving from dissatisfaction to dissatisfaction, frustration to frustration. Think, for example, about what our lives should be like. Should our lives be perfectly enjoyable or successful? No, it shouldn’t be for the simple reason that it’s not really. We can try to get as close as possible, but tolerating that there will always be something to face, accepting it as part. of the game.
Our lives evolve into infinite shades of gray. They are rarely black and white, perfect or terrible. If so, why do we always think differently?
What does the verb “duty” mean? According to the dictionary, duty means “to be subject to something by a divine, natural or positive law”. I think the sun should come up every day, but I don’t think it’s always a good time.
When we say that something has to be a certain way, we use the imperative in a certain way, we say that our environment (people, animals, objects, etc. ) must somehow obey a premise, what we say, as if they were dictators of universal laws, but the truth is that, by far, if we mask our desires with such formulas (possibility-obligation), they will continue to be fulfilled in a similar percentage (unless we implement other kinds of changes). .
It is because Because, whatever we say, if the environment does not recognize the obligation we impose, it is useless. This frustrates us more or we feel smaller and more miserable. “Oh, the world doesn’t obey me!”
On the other hand, there are people who say, “Should you be a good person?Or ” you mustn’t suffer it”. Beware of danger!Where does it say I have to meet the criteria that define a good person for Sometimes I will be a good person for you, but sometimes I will not. Sometimes I’ll suffer for something, sometimes I won’t.
Intolerance of failure is one of the reasons people fight. Think of a child who has a tantrum because he hasn’t had the candy he loves so much. She cries, kicks, screams, gets angry. In the child’s mind, it’s not like that. However, he has written that things will not always go as they would like. That’s why you have to teach him how to channel his emotions.
As adults, we must learn to tolerate disobedience to reality, the fact that it will not always conform to our desires, however noble, since the goodness or wickedness of a desire in itself does not increase the chances of it being fulfilled.
On the other hand, some people have been educated in such a way that imperatives like “should you?”They reigned in their upbringing. Others have learned not to tolerate failure or frustration through experiences, things that have happened to them and made them think like that all the time.
The great psychologist Albert Ellis wrote: “While the least disturbed person strongly desires what he wants and feels good and bothers if his desires are not satisfied, the most disturbed person demands, insists, governs or dogmatically orders that his desires be satisfied, and he becomes excessively distressed, depressed or hostile when he is not satisfied?
As we see, there is nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable if something does not work the way we want, what is unhealthy is to demand, insist or order as if it were a dogma.
People intolerant of failure have learned to think and behave in a certain way, they have a series of beliefs that shape their way of seeing the world and interpreting reality, these beliefs are:
People who are intolerant of failure demand and order, have little patience, and confuse desire with necessity.
Although we were educated in terms of?Should we have beliefs similar to the above, are there steps we can take to combat intolerance to failure?
When you are frustrated, try to analyze what you are saying to yourself What thoughts do you have?Watch for them and write them on a piece of paper.
Words like “should,” “always,” “never,” “I can’t stand,” etc. are likely to appear in your internal dialogue. These, not others, are the cause of their suffering.
Once you have identified what you say you are not helping, it is time to talk to you in another way and change your mind. It is a process that requires many attempts, but it is worth it.
To do this, use words like “I’d like”, “it’s awkward, but I can handle it”, “sometimes”, etc. It’s about replacing your irrational beliefs with other, more adaptive beliefs.
Exposing yourself to situations that cause you frustration can be a good strategy. Make a list of these situations. Notice how they affect you.
Once you’ve identified them, commit to solving them, so you’ll cause these situations and do nothing to avoid the hassle they cause you, over time your tolerance will increase and you’ll feel better and better.
It may seem obvious, but sometimes we don’t realize it, it’s about proposing solutions so that situations don’t dominate and frustrate you.
For example, stop looking at your watch; The person you’ve decided to meet is late. In the meantime, you can do something interesting. In short, it’s about changing the focus to reduce your frustration.
It’s one thing to need a bigger house, for example, and another to love it or have certain preferences. When I need something, if I don’t have it, there’s an upset. If I prefer, I may feel some discomfort, but they will be lighter.
There are few things we really need in life, differentiating what we need from what we would like to have or what is happening is critical to avoiding feelings of failure or frustration.
It is very difficult in life to avoid difficulties and frustrations, we all fail at some point. It is part of life and it is perfectly normal, that is why we must learn to deal with frustration and give ourselves permission to fail, in this way we will have a more reality-oriented life and we will feel better.