Many readers have probably already realized, at some point, that loyalty or closeness between certain family members can prevent someone from being personally recognized. In psychology, these codes have a name: invisible contracts or family loyalties.
These codes are defined as a set of beliefs and inhibitions that are part of how we see and behave in relation to our emotional reality (both in what we live and in what we “allow ourselves to live”). words: we inherit the problems of our family members.
- We definitely accept certain conditions for fear of losing the love.
- Attention and ‘blessing’ of family members (parents.
- Grandparents.
- Siblings?).
- Of course.
- This responds to an evolutionary fear.
- Because no one wants to be repudiated in their own core.
In this sense, from the same family model, people are able to harness this emotional power and do not believe that it is the intention of being cruel that promotes that, in fact, many times we do not even know how we play. Family loyalties, shall we see?
Emotional contracts between family members end up being a cocktail of high, conditional expectations that are often toxic to a person’s achievements and life planning.
Many times, by talking to people who have nothing to do with our family, we can see how we structure our thoughts and attitudes on certain subjects, suddenly we are surprised to realize that there are ideas that we assume through our family, which seem indisputable. , but in fact it shouldn’t be.
It should therefore be noted that it is of the utmost importance to get rid of any prejudice that ends up being negative. Are literature and film clear examples of what many of us experience?
Notice the case of the artist repudiated by a family that aspired to pursue the succession of renowned doctors in the family. Look at the woman who thinks there’s no other way out of your life than marrying a man who’s holding you back.
See who doesn’t dare change towns because of the damage he’ll do to his family. See who can’t live their love freely for fear of reprisals. See a child WHO MUST love football. See who likes to study?See who is convinced that life doesn’t make sense without your partner.
Look at the tags of ‘the bad guy’, ‘the nerd’, ‘the clumsy’, ‘the beautiful’, ‘the ugly’, ‘the cool’, ‘the offer’, ‘the dependent’, etc.
When a person seeks psychological help, it is always important to know that the root (not the only cause) of their disorder may be in dysfunctional patterns learned from childhood in their family context.
In other words, we are the perpetuators of the needs of our core, the beliefs and expectations that are transmitted to us, this is normal and, as we have already pointed out, is part of our evolution. it does not prevent us from reaching a point in our lives where we should begin to question the world (we realize that our ability to do so has not developed since we were children, but as adults we can try to exploit it there).
We are sponges of beliefs and expectations, which does not work in our favor when these invisible contracts or family loyalties end up becoming negative for our growth. This has a direct consequence: WE ARE THE VOYONES.
So, in general, we only plan to let ourselves be carried away by the inertia of what we have seen in our case and what our loved ones have conveyed to us in relation to all the senses of life.
For example, we often believe that couples should be for life because our parents have endured everything and sacrificed their lives and happiness for their children. With that in mind, if we find ourselves in a dysfunctional relationship in the future, it will probably be difficult. to realize that we don’t need to submit to it.
It is important whether or not we have already realized the existence of these safeguarded family contracts; we have to look at who we are and why we are getting used to behaving one way or another, so if we consider that we are mere repeaters and that attitude or belief makes us unhappy, what we can do is unlearn such a thing.
We can do this by writing a letter, organizing a dialogue or talking to each other in any way, this will help us free ourselves from the invisible family loyalties that afflict us, but if this is not enough or if we do not feel able, it is good and necessary to consult a professional who helps us to give emotional coherence to everything that is happening right now.