I just remembered a case where you asked for my opinion, I’ll talk about invisible emotional manipulation.
We all know ways to manipulate, blackmail, insults, moodiness, etc. but is there another kind of harmful manipulation, difficult to detect at first, is it a trap in which one gradually falls?
- This is the anonymous case of an intelligent child with a normal life who met a young psychology student.
- At that time.
- He was going through a phase of loneliness.
- Lacking friendships.
- Was not very well in the field of love and was unemployed.
- Factors that make people even more vulnerable to manipulation.
In this girl, she found unconditional outing and support, the invisible emotional manipulation by the friendship she established with, let’s call Sandra, who had the psychological knowledge to manipulate Albert.
Manipulations are not always malicious; Sometimes someone’s lack can make us feel the need to manipulate others to get what we need.
Sandra had depression issues, so she wanted to lure Albert in to cheer him up and give him the love he needed, let’s say he used Albert, he fell in love with her so as not to lose him, and she had someone who was always on her feet to help and encourage him.
Albert was a very nice boy, devoted, thorough and with an enormous capacity for empathy, and Sandra wanted to capture all these virtues in an attempt to get out of the depressive abyss she was in.
From what he told me, this girl didn’t want to be mean, she was a good person, but because of her depression, she needed to depend on someone other than her family.
Invisible emotional manipulation consists of two phases
The first thing to do is to show up so that the other person shows a slight initial admiration, it all starts with the phase of pleasing, trying well, giving as much as possible to the other person, who has never heard that phrase. ? When we were dating, everything was wonderful and, right after we got married, everything changed.
Many manipulate during courtship until they get what they want, and then change roles, which I’ll talk about later, because they feel like they’ve already appropriated the person.
The manipulator knows what the other person needs and gives it to him, sometimes in excess, so that he gets a little used to this treatment too pleasant and affectionate.
It is a phase in which the manipulator shows all his charms, shows off and when he has the opportunity, he places himself above the manipulated to offer security, friendship and unconditional support, all just to gain the trust and admiration of the other.
What did Sandra do to capture Albert? The first thing was to introduce himself, show him the great psychological work he did daily with his friends and acquaintances, offered him all the information about the work practices he was doing, to position himself above him in relation to mental knowledge.
He took advantage of his profession to be at the top and prove to Albert that he was very fortunate to have his friendship and that he could consult her about anything at any time.
The next thing I had to do was get to know Albert’s emotional world, his weaknesses and needs, and then give him the support he really needed.
Albert received continuous compliments from Sandra and much positive reinforcement. Contact was also frequent, daily, so daily problems seemed trivial along with the friendly relationship I had with her.
We talk about invisible emotional manipulation because manipulation is not perceived, because, at first, everything in a relationship is positive.
The key to detecting this situation would be to overeat, someone may love you, feel affection and even admire you, but as long as it is normal, when there is an excess you have to wonder why we are so admired, whether it is for an attempt at manipulation or because the other person’s self-esteem is low and idealizes us.
In the process of manipulation, the impact of everything will be greater if, in addition, the person benefits from a profession (if he has one that captures interest and agrees with something he likes and interests).
For example, it’s easier for an obese person to fall in love with a nutritionist to help him, because he’ll admire this profession because he needs to lose weight.
If an unsafe person meets a psychologist who will help you for free, a person who is not healthy is cared for and cured by a doctor or a person who is not good at sports, will surely admire strong and qualified athletes.
When we feel we have a need, we admire those we have what we lack, if someone takes advantage of this ability that the other needs and offers to help them for free, they will speed up the process of admiration or passion because they will position themselves on a higher level, from where they will gain greater emotional power.
Once the manipulator realizes that he has total confidence, affection, love, attraction to the other, he moves on to the next phase of the role change, if it was the help that gave support and security to the other, he will now be the victim.
He has already specifically projected on the other what he wanted to receive, and as the other has attached to him, he will do everything he can to help him. Once affection or love has been activated, the manipulator has already taken the reins.
How did Sandra implement the role change? At first he only said positive things about him, just introduced himself and devoted himself to supporting, admiring, and praise Albert.
But then he began to publicize his problems and become a victim of deteriorating health due to his depression. Albert, already in love with her, gave himself up completely to help and encourage her.
Once the change of role has been made, the attention, affection and support initially received decrease, this time it is the other person who follows unconditionally.
Sandra made Albert her shoulder, while he listened to her and supported her in every way possible, usually the person realizes that it was wrong, when she feels that in the first phase, she was very happy to go out with that person, but when she moves past the second, it’s all discomfort and pain.
The manipulator can even ignore the person to attract him even more, knowing that he has already been captured, appears and disappears at will because he knows whatever happens, he already has the other person at his feet.
The one who is manipulated is sick because he no longer receives the same as at the beginning and may even feel guilty for doing something wrong that ruined everything, he does not find an explanation for what happened, he does not realize that he was manipulated and is no longer in the first phase, which was the positive.
The situation can even become an emotional addiction, if the person does not abandon the manipulator as soon as he feels that the relationship causes him unhappiness and discomfort.
They are often wrong to think that everything will be like at first, going back to the initial phase, but the truth is that the only thing the manipulated person can achieve is to enter a vicious circle of attempts to fix things, where the other does not collaborate and does not behave as before.
Emotions speak for themselves. If your emotions are negative means that the relationship is not healthy, there are situations where reason is not resolved because we cannot penetrate the minds of others to know what they think or why they act in a certain way.
But where reason doesn’t rule, there will always be your emotions, which will never deceive you. Where there are meaningless manipulations or relationships of any kind, the person will feel discomfort and negative emotions.
Many manipulators try to blame the victims, but we should never feel guilty about anything, the most important thing is their well-being, and if you feel negative emotions it is because something is wrong, it is good to get away from the person, whether it is a relationship, friendship, love, etc.