Is it possible to rebuild the relationship after a betrayal?Is it worth a try? It is normal for couples to go through different crises over the years, such as those that can occur as a result of certain events: coexistence, the arrival of children, the independence of children, etc. All these situations put the couple on the test, but they are expected crises, that is, over the years, these crises must occur and also, in most cases, overcome.
However, there is a situation that is not prescriptive (should not happen) and that causes a deep crisis: betrayal. Betrayal is an abuse of trust, which is a fundamental element for the relationship to work. before and after or just before, if there isn’t later, we’ll try to identify how and under what conditions a society can rebuild after cheating.
- Yes.
- They do.
- While we share cultural views on what betrayal is.
- Each person has an idea of where behaviors considered “infidelities” begin.
- Almost 99% of the population considers sexual and intimate contact with a third person to be a betrayal.
- However.
- There is no such broad consensus when it comes to other situations such as:.
All of the above situations are considered trap by some people, but not by others. Almost all of us understand the case of sexual contact with a third party as treason, but we do not share opinions as in the case of the use of pornography or “flirting”?with someone else.
It is very important to note that each person enters into relation to their ideas about infidelity and their own limits at the start and end point, when the couple does not have the same ideas there are usually episodes of jealousy and conflict. Around this problem, and if infidelity occurs, the couple will take quite a while to wonder if it is worth trying again because there is no common point of view.
Betrayal is a situation that can cause a major crisis in the couple, as long as it is one?Traditional or monogamous, where intimate relationships and contacts with third parties are not allowed, that is, we are not referring to couples who practice polyamor, for example.
When a betrayal occurs it is as if a tornado has passed, many aspects of this union disappear and some break forever, the greatest negative impact is caused by the lie itself, and not so much betrayal on a sexual and physical level. . Trust disintegrates, the feeling of complicity disappears and the image we have of our partner changes.
The reconstruction of the relationship after betrayal depends on the personal values of each of the parties, it can be said that before this happens, it is already decided whether it will be overcome or not, whether you are someone with a personality base of spite, who has trouble forgetting and forgiving, with very traditional ideas about what a couple should be , it will be very difficult to overcome betrayal, because this situation completely breaks all your patterns of what a couple is and rebuilding them is a very difficult task and goes against your deepest ideals.
On the other hand, for those who have been betrayed in the past, it can be much harder to forgive the lie. The new betrayal displaces the feelings and pains of the past, and so, due to an emotional contagion effect, the current one. The situation becomes even more terrible and catastrophic. For those who have committed treason, this may be easier, as they can take on the role of the infidels and better understand the causes that led them to commit treason.
That is, if at some point you have been unfaithful, you may find it easier to empathize with those who have been unfaithful to you, in this context overcoming a betrayal can be easier and not an impossible challenge, especially if it is a betrayal. specific betrayal that has not spread over time. Unique betrayals (once) are more easily forgiven than those that spread over time (several encounters, repeated encounters).
Likewise, the emphasis on sex is a fundamental aspect of overcoming betrayal, when a person who understands sexuality as an act particularly related to affection and trust is a victim of betrayal, this is a case in which it will be particularly difficult to overcome the lie. . Because even if that person wants to rebuild the relationship after a betrayal, his heart will not abandon it or make everything very difficult.
While much progress has been made in gender equality and sexuality, there is still a popular belief that men are more likely to be more unfaithful than women.
This is not true and there is no difference between the ease with which men and women overcome a crisis of infidelity, influence the personality and values of each other without the gender of a person.
First, set a distance of a few days. It is better to part momentarily so that you can set aside the most negative and strong emotions than to unleash everything you feel. You can act out of revenge and you’ll regret it.
Secondly, avoid asking for details about how it happened, who it was with, where, how, etc. All the information you know about betrayal is premium materials so you can make your film, particularly about what happened. It also doesn’t allow you to go ahead, knowing the details won’t make you feel any better.
Immerse yourself in the depths of your being and think about whether you can really live with what happened, forget about the formalities and obligations that involve you (home, children, work, family), you need to be honest with yourself and know if you really want to. move on.
Finally, remember: if you feel lost, seek professional help and avoid asking everyone for advice. Friends, neighbors and family do not have the ability of a psychologist to discover what is best for you in your situation, with your personality and values, the psychologist will not overprotect you, will not judge your partner and, above all, share with you the experience of having helped in several similar cases.