To hate your loved one is, in quotes, normal. We must remember that the opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference, hatred and love are two feelings that, because they are extremely intense, touch each other.
We must think that only machines are 100% consistent and compliant, if we press a button, they do what they are asked to do because their own nature prevents them from processing the order received otherwise, they have no choice, they have no choice.
- Human beings.
- On the other hand.
- Process all the stimuli that come from outside and inside.
- Many factors make us not think or feel the same every day.
Although we are moving within relatively stable parameters, we are still evolving to some extent, so it is possible to hate your loved one.
“Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, unlike people who are unable to love and always mix love and hatred. -Sigmund Freud-
Humans rarely experience feelings and emotions in a pure way, even the tenderest and most evolved love can leave room for hatred at any time, even the most loving mothers, for example, can feel the rejection of the children they love so much.
We can come to hate the beloved because love and hatred share part of their substrate.
This material is the one that allows us to talk about a shared territory, an emotional interdependence in which what the other does influences us, what the other does affects us for better or worse, we are especially sensitive to your actions.
Therefore, when your loved one meets our expectations, feelings of affability, closeness and positive predisposition predominate, on the contrary, if what that person is doing hurts us, there can be a sense of hatred.
It is not necessarily a visceral and destructive hatred, but a deep rejection of your actions, in which anger and sadness are mixed, so, by extension, we can come to hate the loved one.
If we sin in something out of love, it’s idealism. Many glances perceive it as an almost superhuman feeling, in which there is no room for contradictions or negative emotions. In practice, we found that this is not the case.
Everything human is paradoxical. We are intelligent and stupid, brave and fearful, mature and childish, some characteristics predominate, but these do not exclude others.
Even the love we feel for ourselves is not completely stable, sometimes we also hate each other a little bit. This can happen when we realize that we have made a mistake, for example, or when we get carried away by impulses and do something we wouldn’t have done.
We make mistakes with the people we love, and they also make mistakes with us, they are not always small mistakes, because in some situations they involve very important issues, it is possible to hate your loved one because no affection is exempt of this kind. contradiction.
Every great love leaves its scars, like childhood. In fact, the balance of love rarely comes before that moment when faces learn to live together, that is the dynamics of these intense affections.
We may come to hate our loved one, but we can also rebuild affection and balance things. Authentic love always includes these processes.
Each of us has a margin to be better. On the other hand, we all have a hateful side, intolerances, conformities, hesitations or selfishness that are never completely overcome, does not make us better or worse, just talks about our nature.
There is no reason to fear these feelings of hatred that sometimes arise in love: there is not necessarily pathology, nor do they necessarily mean that affection has deteriorated, nor that we are incoherent and evil monsters.
It is healthier to accept that sometimes we hate who we love and that it must be treated so that it does not become destructive. When love is true, hate becomes transient and leaves almost no trace.