How many times have we been told or heard the phrase?Doesn’t it ever change? When you think like that, it seems that change is a negative thing, like a weakness of the person: “you’ve changed, it’s not the same anymore. “However, change is necessary, it is natural and fundamental to survive. many consider it negative. But what if we admit that it is possible to change and remain the same person?
In the face of most of the changes we have gone through, there are resistance, either internal or part of our external environment, this type of resistance acts against change when it is announced or begins, but it can also occur when it has already begun to establish and even when it has already been consolidated. Is it now possible that these changes, these transformations, allow us to continue having our essence intact, with continuity and coherence between who we were, are and will be?
- In this article we will discuss the issue of personal change.
- Try to understand why resistance to change exists and why it sometimes disapproves.
- And finally we will try to give the reasons that underpin the idea that we can change and remain ourselves.
Resistance to change is normal, all systems have internal forces that seek permanence and stability, that is, maintain the daily dynamics that have already been installed, even if that is a problem, this maintenance is easier than creating a dynamic, different or new. We already have some automated habits and our day to day adapts to them, the routine even allows us to be predictable to others, and therefore does not create the need for them to adapt to the new conditions that we finally create. why permanence, even in the short term, is generally more comfortable than change. And then there’s the resistance.
On the other hand, people also resist change because, over time, they become accustomed to the habits and coping styles of life, spend much of their time creating psychological tools to deal with difficult times and, although these tools are not the most appropriate, they were created with great effort.
In this way, resistance to change appears and ends up being seen as a weakness, if the person acted in a certain way for so long and was there, apparently living well and managing life effectively, why change now?around us also feel more relaxed and comfortable if they can predict our actions, responses and behaviors. If we change, this prediction becomes virtually impossible for a while, or becomes more uncertain and prone to error. So, inadvertently, the people around us can come and oppose and resist the changes we are going through. They also seek permanence and stability.
? Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change. -Stephen Hawking-
And why can change be seen as a weakness?A person who changes his mind can lead others to see him as insecure, volatile and, as we have already said, unpredictable. Changing our minds, however, when we thought the position we used to be defending was wrong, it’s a smart decision and also pretty brave. Otherwise, we are more likely to be prisoners of our own contradiction: thinking about something and defending the opposite.
Change of heart is the result of a thoughtful process in which, when we receive new information and perceive reality in another way, we realize that what we thought before no longer helps us, is no longer correct, so changing our minds is fantastic. It doesn’t change who we are, because we would be a person defined by this intelligent way of doing things, not by one opinion or another.
Since this process of change can involve a personal metamorphosis involving many of our ideas or characteristics, when we change, we may feel that we are abandoning a part of our being, and we can also see that the people around us may not see it or do not see it as a weakness.
In most cases, the process of personal change aims to seek the best of each person, in reality what we call change is the result of the person being freed from their grids, their limits and their fears. Don’t we change, we just remove the barriers and we are faithful to our essence, letting it express ourselves and unfold its wings.
How can we change and remain the same person?We can do this by trying to turn our own axis around, looking at reality from different points of view, knowing how to appreciate the totality and exceptionality of each situation and, from there, choose how we will act, what we will think and what to say as a result of our feelings and our moment of life. We can change without prior, preconceived or rigid rules that force us to always act in the same way, or not identify with it.
Changing and remaining the same person requires leaving aside any type of orthodoxy or rule, consciously choosing how to show yourself to the world at this particular time, which is the here and now, all this allows people to be faithful to their essence, so that they can change and remain the same. Because choosing how we will position ourselves according to how we feel, and not according to what we have always been, is the freer way to live, the most legitimate way not to betray ourselves.
Eastern philosophy explains that virtue is based on not stagnating, realizing one’s limits and overcoming or transcending them, this is how we must change and remain the same, because in this way we open a space for our true being to emerge, manifest and develop.
Different teachers of Eastern philosophy explain that changing and staying in the same person is not a skill that can be learned easily or quickly. This requires constant effort, as our psychological system seeks permanence for energy savings and necessity; seeks to stay stable and have solid pillars.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you: have you changed too much?” – Oscar Wilde-
According to Robert Spencer, for us to be elastic it would be good to get used to observing things from different points of view, thus avoiding the risk of getting stuck in a single perspective. Only a good workout in this type of mentality Gymnastics leads to spontaneity. If this exercise is interrupted, in a short time our mind will return to the tendency to protect itself, locking itself in the bars of our own chain of thoughts.
Finally, I would like to share a metaphor that explains how it is possible to change and remain the same person:
“Water wins everything because it adapts to everything. It can be liquid, solid or gaseous. It can be hard, stiff, elastic or soft. Immobile or impetuous, calm or stormy. You can run slowly or run, avoid an obstacle or violent hit. Precipitate or splash. Water is the natural analogy of change as the ability to strategically adapt to the most varied circumstances.
What if you were like water? How would it be?