Attachment could be defined as a bond that is created between two people, which makes them want to be together in space and time, this union is created in the first months of life with the primary caregiver and governs the type of relationship that will guide us in the future. relationships with emotional involvement that we are going to establish, but is it possible to change the pattern of attachment defined in childhood?
Psychoanalyst Jonh Bowlby has devoted himself to the study of attachment and has established that the process begins shortly after birth, but only about eight months later the first attachment relationship between the baby and the primary caregiver can be considered to be created.
Later, psychologist Mary Ainsworth identified and classified attachment into three types:
Attachment makes us create a first image of what surrounds us, which we internalize very deeply, unless we can learn from other models later, we will understand that this is the way to communicate with the people we love.
Once the links are established, as we have already said, except for another lesson, we will try to replicate that pattern, on the other hand this model will be very powerful, which does not mean that we are determined or doomed or that we are not able to learn another.
Primary attachment is very important, so we work so that, as far as possible, safe bonds are created and that the good development of the baby, both physical and socio-emotional, is encouraged. There are cases where attachment has not developed in the right way and will have to be adjusted in the future, when the first emotional relationships begin, in school, when we can change the image we have of relationships and union, and when a new model can be created.
Therefore, it is possible to change the model of attachment, for this we need to get involved in new relationships that show us that the connection, trust or relationship with others is different from what we expect or anticipate.
Internalizing a model of attachment that strengthens our relationships and gives us security will help us build relationships in which we feel safe, people close to and open to, with whom we will build a relationship of trust and help us on a deeper level. , because that way our communication will also be deeper.
This first model is important because, if it is not positive, changing it will be a complicated task, in fact, if we want to help change someone’s attachment model, we will have to be patient, if we want to change our will, in addition to dedicating time and resources, we need to have tools that help us.
In this sense, as a reinforcement of a style of attachment, once generated, acts self-fulfilling prophecy, that is, if we feel that we are operating in an insecure world, we will filter the evidence that underpins this hypothesis, we will need less evidence to reaffirm it, and we will also show a suspicious attitude that will effectively make others suspect us. or identify us as an easy victim and attack us more.
Parents or guardians have a responsibility to create these primary relationships and, where possible, to create this described model of secure attachment, but we are responsible for all relationships we build, the analysis we make of them, and the direction of change. I want to achieve. Changes are always possible, however difficult they may seem at first.