How do some people argue?In children’s future relationships? Experience can tell us that this is the case, science tells us that if the parent relationship is positive, children are more likely to have healthy relationships, not otherwise. However, we are talking about influences and there can always be exceptions.
It should be noted that the first model of loving relationship and coexistence of children is what they can see in their parents or in the couple with which they live, in this sense the environment has a lot of influence on the children of What they see also affects them and can condition or influence some of their actions several years later.
- Sometimes we hear phrases like.
- “They’re too small.
- They don’t know anything.
- ” but they don’t.
- Children absorb everything.
- So what happens around them will influence the relationships they build and maintain in the future.
The relationship of parents may be present in us without realizing it, this may be, for example, one of the causes that drives us to always choose as partners people who basically do not fit with us, our parents’ relationship may have been dominated by ups and downs, so we can tend to look for someone who gives us stability above all else , while what we need for our way of being is a very dynamic person.
On the other hand, there may have been a number of particularly relevant circumstances that have been observed by children, we are talking about great mistrust, very strong dependence, constant infidelities and even abuse, we will give an example of a real situation, so we can get an idea of the extent to which parental relationship can affect the choice of partner.
Laura wasn’t 30 yet. With several relationships behind him, the fact is, none of them went well. She didn’t know what was going on. Sometimes their associates were unfaithful to them. In others, they had an incredible bond with their mother. Laura decided to go see a psychologist and tell her story. He asked her to tell her about her parents’ relationship.
Laura’s parents’ relationship was dramatic. Has the father abused the mother, manipulated her, been repeatedly unfaithful to her?The mother submitted, was unable to express her feelings, and supported the relationship, as she said she felt love, when she actually suffered from emotional addiction. The mother was lonely several times, abandoned. Not only for her partner, but also for her own family, who forced her to endure rather than end the relationship.
Laura’s story had only two paths: one was to be dependent and diligently seek a serious relationship, the other was to escape serious relationships and be very independent in their relationships. Laura unconsciously tends to the first.
Laura was never a submissive woman. In her relationships there has never been any abuse, she did everything she had not seen in her parents’ relationship: did she communicate much with her partners, respect herself and stay with the one who subjugated her?, in addition to the above, they were sometimes sumissive, lied and did not communicate openly.
Laura’s choice of partner had “a lot of her mother. “However, although she thought she was trying to build healthy relationships, not like her parents’, the root of the problem was still not visible to her. It didn’t take long, to find out.
What happened to Laura in their relationships was that there was a lack of commitment: those who were not really committed to her were unfaithful or very attached to their mother, so she came second, as was her mother.
The question we are concerned about now, after living Laura’s story, is: can we choose a partner without being conditioned by our parents’ relationship?The answer is yes, but for that we need to understand what’s going on.
The clearest way to become aware is to see which model is repeated in our partners, maybe two have agreed, but if we have four relationships and we all have the same problem, perhaps the topic we are discussing today is a hypothesis to be presented.
While it’s hard to see the reason that may be implicit in each relationship, going to a relationship psychologist can be helpful, as well as providing us with tools to boost our self-esteem and resolve some of the insecurities we may have. will help us see the situation in perspective. In this way, we will seek to enrich ourselves from the person we choose for our lives, not to meet our needs or escape our ghosts.
The most important thing is that a psychologist will help us understand how we start a relationship, because that’s where the key to falling into old patterns of behavior lies. Are we blind in the passion phase, are we kidding ourselves too quickly?
The key to all our relationships is the way they started, that’s where we have to pay close attention.
Once analyzed and reflected on these points, knowing the shape of the stone, it will be more difficult to stumble upon it, if we open our eyes, we will first abandon relationships that are bad for us, at the same time identifying how we are conditioned by the models we have, not just in relationships, it will give us the opportunity to make freer and more accurate decisions.