There are those who say that unconditional love is the purest and noblest feeling that exists, it is love without expecting anything in return, it lacks every one of our senses, our fibers and every particle of our being.
It is also to appreciate the other for being as he is, for everything he does, for everything he says, even when that person is not by our side.
- Herman Hesse said that whoever knows how to love will always end up winning in life.
- But what exactly do we call “love well”?Is unconditional love perhaps one of the best practices of good love?.
The truth is that there is no exact and enlightening answer on this aspect, but there are some reflections that deserve to be taken into account.
For starters, more than one person is likely to say that building a relationship based on unconditional passion often has dangerous consequences.
Because a love without limits and without conditions, is well known, ends, in most cases, by crossing the line where identities and self-esteem are hurt.
However, many will say with conviction that if there is a deep, genuine and unconditional affection, that is what we establish with our children.
But what happens when we have before us a narcissistic child who, in addition to love, demands whims and privileges, even if he treats us with tyranny and disrespect?
Emotional psychology aims to differentiate two very specific realities in this regard, we have to distinguish between love as a feeling and love as a relational scenario, one thing is to love and the other is to live with loved ones. on this topic below.
“Unconditional love really exists in all of us. It’s part of our deepest being. It’s not an active emotion, it’s a way of being. Don’t I love you? For this or that reason, right?You because you love me, is it love for no reason, is it love without purpose?. – Ram Dass
Is it possible to enjoy unconditional love? The answer is yes, but of course, you must first understand the nuances.
To do this, nothing better than using neuroscience to discover something that can surprise many people: our brain is designed to love unconditionally.
Drs. Mario Beauregard and Jerome Courtemanche of the University of Montreal, Canada, conducted an interesting study to discover that unconditional love shares the same neural mechanisms as addictive processes.
There is a reward mechanism controlled by dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, oxytocin and vasopressin.
Unconditional love is, in fact, similar to romantic love. There is a mixture of absolute passion, devotion, attachment and intense affection. One way or another, our brain would be designed to experience this kind of intense love.
But our most rational part, of course, forces us to set limits
Unconditional love is always a feeling. However, beyond this universe, there are human relationships.
As we know, in the relationship of a couple love is not always everything, no matter how much two people love each other, not if communication is problematic, not if there is no reciprocity, empathy or respect.
Without a doubt, all this creates situations as contradictory as it is painful: we can love deeply, but understand that coexistence is impossible.
We can love someone without limits and without conditions. This is an undisputed reality. There are loves that hurt; are those in which we realize that we have a blind passion for someone who doesn’t do us any good.
We know that and that’s why we let you go, for our sake, for our psychological balance.
Thus, in these situations, there is still a reality that may seem familiar to many: despite leaving a relationship and gaining with him well-being and self-esteem, unconditional love for that person still exists as such.
Because, as we see, feelings sometimes prevail, even if the relationship no longer exists.
The limits, beyond what you might think, are hygienic, healthy and even powerful, it is true that many times we fear them and we find it a little difficult to put them around us, but they are information barriers that oxygenate relationships, improve coexistence and allow us to win happiness.
Unconditional love as a feeling is real, we know it, however, we must sculpt it by hand to adapt to our relationship, so that it understands that in terms of affection limits and conditions are needed, this also applies to creation and education. .
We can love our children as they deserve: infinitely, deeply and passionately, however, this does not mean at all that a child should assume that he can act as he sees fit, that blackmail, excessive demands and rapes are allowed.
Because in relationships not everything is worth, even if there is love, because in coexistence there are rules and barriers to respect, although affection is always present, ready to protect and protect.