Many of us have already found ourselves in this situation, we have just lost our job, we have broken a relationship, we have suffered a disappointment and, just when we are discussing one of these facts with a close person, the recurring phrase arises: “Don’t worry, it could be worse. “It’s a feature or slogan we hear often. However, does it help you?
Whether useful or not, there is important evidence, it is very common that we tend to compare our situation with that of others and use it as a reference, sometimes knowing that someone is going through a reality a little more complicated than ours Can relieve us. It’s as if our minds are desperately looking for a fact to hold on to and say “I’m not that bad yet. “
- As curious as this type of resource is.
- It has been studied by the field of psychology.
- We know that this is a type of adaptation strategy that we use frequently.
- However.
- The use of this life jacket?it has some nuances.
- And it’s important to keep them in mind.
You get home from work and the car breaks down. You go down, you put down the signs, you call the winch and you wait. In a short time you think it could be worse: it could rain. This comforts you.
Another example: you go on a doctor’s appointment and he tells you you’re diabetic; we’re afraid, but the doctor smiles saying that “it’s nothing, it could be worse, there are much more serious diseases. “
In these two examples there are two very different situations, at first to think that this situation will not be more complicated offers some relief; however, the second example shows the type of situation in which we usually fall, a situation in which what is achieving is to underestimate one situation by comparing it to another.
The fact that we are told that there are people in situations more complicated and difficult than ours does not help at all, what is achieved with this strategy is to invalidate someone’s private reality and, in turn, generate some remorse for the fact that the person is relieved that there is someone worse than him , so it is neither logical nor ethical to resort to such comments.
If there is a problem that many times people do not solve, it is time to support, accompany and help others. When we are going through a difficult time, we generally do not expect the people around us to end the problem or cry. loss We desire and expect understanding and closeness.
However, many make use of inaccurate comments in which the motto ”don’t worry, could be worse ”, if the person has had a car accident and only has neck pain, the fact that he says things could be worse can cause even more distress and the consequent fear of driving again.
If I get fired from my job, I’m not reassured to think I might be in more difficult circumstances, with more trouble. What these comments are doing is diminishing the importance of what I’m going through now; they invalidate my emotions and my reality, comparing it to something that does not concern me and which, moreover, cannot and should not relieve me. Just because others are worse doesn’t mean I feel better.
A study by Drs. Shelley Taylor and Joan Wood of the University of Texas showed something interesting about this. In our daily lives, there is something more common than the fact that others tell us that “it could be worse”: we use this phrase ourselves.
The conclusion of this research shows us that the use of this strategy of psychological adaptation to difficulties does not always help, besides, if what we are going through is serious, it can play the role of chronic victim. an example. Imagine a teenager who was bullied during high school.
This young man is comforted to think that things could have gone worse: he was never physically assaulted, he is relieved to think that no one has discovered what was wrong with him, neither his parents nor his teachers, yet the fact that nothing worse. It has happened, far from generating real profit, has another consequence.
With this mechanism you invalidate your personal reality, you do not face your suffering because you underestimate it and, by underestimating it, you apply a defense mechanism to avoid trauma, with this mental strategy what is being achieved is to turn victimization into something chronic. rather than solving.
In some circumstances, could the comment be worse? It’s going to get really useful. We will not avoid the present suffering or unique reality of each person, however banal it may seem.
Every concern and personal situation must be recognized and respected, in this sense, if we do not understand that the situation that others are experiencing can bring with it real suffering and anguish, it will be very difficult to help.