When our bodies are harassed by invasive looks, rude speeches, mischievous observations, hissing and cheap chants, we are very clear that we are treated as an object.
When the other person’s eyes shine before your state or your bank account, there is no doubt that there is: by object, by usufruct, by state, by exposure. These somewhat widespread attitudes, as so widespread, seem to be the only ones denounced when a relationship is established out of affection or when it is the result of superficial interest.
- But there is another aspect of this culture that objectively makes us goods for each other’s consumption.
- Which is not so explicit: a culture that cultivates “good behavior” based on gender-specific behavioral stereotypes.
- And of this ideology.
- Of which we are sometimes so entrenched.
- We are dictated and dictators.
- We’re accused and executioners.
- Supported by cute speeches.
- Politically correct and pseudo-racist to justify the unfortunate choices that are based on something supposedly solid.
- But which is actually as changing as time.
- The illusion that we face this practical manual of how to have a good one?Relationship? we make mature choices.
- When we actually make hypocritical choices.
Women, but not only, are affected by these ideals of what someone should be for a relationship to be worthwhile. It must be “sexy without being vulgar”; do not say bad words; You should not raise your voice in an argument; you must not prove good arguments or refute the alpha male in an intellectual discussion, regardless of her intelligence or knowledge, regardless of whether her speech really reveals the shortcomings of the other’s speech; You don’t have strong opinions. You can’t have human acts like itching, blowing your nose or anything else; He must not show signs of autonomy or live alone; you should not speak openly about controversial topics, particularly sexual ones; Should not? It really shouldn’t. We don’t owe anything to anyone.
Those who have dreams and goals of their own, who venture, who are fully as they are, who live freely and, above all, choose, are not good prey for a strong relationship. nothing but a cane to sustain their own flaws in the face of the incompetence that lead them to develop internally, to work on their own immaturity, proud beasts, difficulty handling differences?even opinions, feeling less manly assuming they are not always right, being overshadowed by each other’s brillience and shining with them. They don’t really want a relationship, they want a cure for their lives. They want someone to perform functions in their small world to lighten their burdens, who is available and domesticated to obey the logic of one and not two.
This reality, accompanied by so many other stereotypes that everyone, by itself, can remember, is not necessarily instilled in supposedly radical personalities, sexists, etc. This polarity that obscures our criticism ends up making us judge judgments on superficial aspects. between speeches and attitudes is very deep, behind these less than honest prejudices and ideologies that guide and determine the choices of many is romantic and poetic honey, almost beautiful for those who have the capacity, or full of terms used and manufactured for cheap conquests. There are frequent excuses and lies that flow so naturally that they seem to be part of the natural person, there are the political discourses of equality, revolution and even feminism, which spice up the discussions of the bar but dismantling in the face of the hypocrisy exposed in the actions.
I remember the story of Cinderella, that poor bastard who is chosen by her shoe by a prince who, despite dancing and chatting with her, does not remember her face, her gaze, her voice, her touch, her feeling, her way, her gestures, the way you think and talk.
Is it the cut of shoes that makes you choose the object you were wearing and not the woman it was?All the affection replaced by the shoe fit is what marked his path, which he followed with joy and without criticism. As a woman. It should be, I’m afraid, for most men. Those who are no less subject to this culture of behavioral auctions must succeed, they must be in control of their prey, they must demand respect and blah, blah, blah.
Each with their own pressure, using each other with the same responsibility, with the same consideration, or less, with which they choose the pieces of their wardrobe. We are also treated as an object when people determine the place we should occupy in their lives. based on our superficial behaviors and characteristics, when they want to show us as an achievement and use us to fill their internal gaps.
When they do not know that everyone has failures in their daily lives, sooner or later everything will collapse at the reality that only affections are able to withstand change, which are part of it, that intensify with it.
To assume that affections are important in the relationship, it is not about being romantic, it is about being human and empathetic enough not to compromise the lives of others with their own selfishness and ideas, is to know that transformation is part of life, and that it is only worth having a relationship if we are able to remain interested and connected with someone despite these transformations and even by them.
It is to see the failures from our point of view as an opportunity to learn to handle differences, to see our own failures and, in fact, to build something between us and not on top. It is also a matter of synchronicity, which does not open space to justify that abusive relationships are maintained by affection. There is no hierarchy when two people are in the same place, on the same path, with the same desire to continue.
Take a good look if someone chooses you for the shoes, and if so, apologize, walk barefoot, feel the earth and the extent of your feet, the blood flowing over them and let it take you wherever you want.
Leave your shoes as a gift to the other person and continue your way, because surely there are a few who will accompany you for the pleasure of being with all the person you are, these rare characters who prefer to walk next to someone than ride. his back with all his expectations.
These few figures that are hard to find, but that exist, and that are there, perhaps as lost as you are in this dictatorship of forced and false elections, that come from outside without inside. Let yourself be lost, because it’s only when we’re lost that we make way for real encounters.