During our childhood we always see our parents as almighty beings who can give us everything we need, yet parents are just normal human beings who have flaws, virtues, weaknesses, and strengths.
In other words, our parents are just adult children, who have grown up with their aspirations, who have often not had a happy childhood and who, in general, have done things “in the best possible way. “
- Accepting this is a sign of maturity.
- Although remembering it can lead to nostalgia.
- Vigilance and many mixed feelings.
- Recognizing this can help us keep walking in life and say goodbye to all those emotional wounds we’ve had since childhood.
To make our parents or those with whom we live in our childhood responsible for the unpleasant things that happen in our adult lives is to waste the opportunity to take responsibility for our lives.
To put it another way, in the words of Bert Hellinger, “suffering things is easier than solving them. “This means that by clinging to our suffering, we are connected to our family system.
That is, hatred and censorship form bonds as strong as love, which will always keep our parents’ faults at our side, so we must strive to understand the circumstances that led them to behave one way or another with us.
If we accept this and let it go, we will advance in our emotional maturity, for this Ulrike Dahm proposes to ask the following questions:
Few people have been so hurt in childhood that they have lost their essence, their ability to love and transmit love, so it is likely that, because of the difficulties we have experienced in the past, we will now be strong, independent and courageous. People.
Thus, we can take this opportunity today to give ourselves the opportunity to shed those tears that are drowning us, to admit the tiredness, abandonment and anger that one day we do not manifest, and to take advantage of the opportunities that have not been given to us. .
In order to disconnect from everything, we can write a farewell letter to our parents, separately or together, as we see fit, we can use the following formulas:
Similarly, we can finish the letter by writing something like this: “It was all worth it because I’m alive and you have a lot to do with it. Thank you, but from now on I am in charge of my life and so I absolve you of any responsibility?
This letter should be like a small farewell ritual, by which we must idealize what frees us from all the emotions that we imprison in our letter, you can read it aloud one last time, burn it, tear it or put it in the water and leave the ink separate.
A large proportion of the injured can repeat their parents’ patterns with their children, so it is important to implement the “Reparenting” strategy or, what is the same, to be the ideal mother or father for our children.
That’s why it’s important that we carefully consider how we feel and what parenting style we want for our children, so if you feel the need for love, affection or recognition, you guarantee it to your children.
However, it is important that we strive to maintain balance, so simply dedicate a little of your time to them, give them attention and affection, but you don’t need to spoil them too much either, as this will cause them to feel bad. educational damage that will make your journey through life difficult.
Source of the bibliography consulted: Reconciling you with your childhood Ulrike Dahm.