Several studies have identified that memories are not immutable and that there are distortions and creations of their own, that is, it means that what lived in the past leaves a mark that you do not remember exactly, but according to interpretation. you built to understand what happened.
In fact, the common thread of most of our memories was not the events themselves, but the meaning they had for us. Let’s look at this with an example. Two people were abandoned by their parents when they were very young, both suffer a big impact from this, but one of them begins a process to understand how and why this happened.
- Years later.
- This person remembers everything as a sad fact.
- But he knows and understands the circumstances in which this happened; on the other hand.
- The other person.
- Who has not digested the experience.
- Simply has vague and inaccurate memories.
- But also a strong feeling of pain and anger.
So, in the end, it’s never about what you’ve been through, it’s about how you’ve managed to assimilate the situation. Much of the reason for feeling sadness or anxiety lies in these past experiences that, having not been digested, remains a factor that negatively influences life.
Human beings are not a computer that simply collects data and has everything available. Memory plays a very special role in the lives of human beings. The past is really a very complex concept, because although it’s something you’ve experienced, there can be a very important strength in your present, even if you don’t realize it.
Here we can use the metaphor of the old building: first the foundations are made, then the floors must be built on it; if the foundations are not well made, probably one of the floors will start cracking, for no apparent reason. Or the building as a whole may begin to sink or collapse in the event of an earthquake.
That is exactly what happens to a human being. The foundations of what a person is are built in the first years of life, which are, in general, those that almost all of us forget, after that, each experience is added and interpreted according to the base of the consciousness already formed. the foundation is affected, for some reason, it is possible that already in adulthood, a crack or instability appears that could endanger everything.
The good thing about all this is that while it is possible to use the metaphor of the building to understand, the human being is much more complex, but at the same time more flexible, what has happened in the past can be read more constructively and cost-effectively through understanding. This means that everything you’ve experienced can get better or worse, it all depends on your interpretation.
By nature we tend to avoid and try to forget negative experiences, if you have experienced an abandonment, rejection or traumatic experience, it is wiser to try to put it aside and not think too much about it, so as not to delve into a chain of thoughts that contribute little to your emotional well-being.
However, when you don’t give yourself time to assimilate what you’ve experienced, rather than forget it, what you can do is keep this experience alive in your unconscious, the result is these pains or anxieties that don’t seem to be any explanation.
More than you’ve been through, what matters is how you structured your memory. If you choose a victimistic perspective to interpret what happened, you’ll see your past experiences through this prism of self-pity for yourself. If you choose a defensive vision, what you’ve experienced will be just one more reason to distrust others or to be in this attitude of vengeance toward people, even if they haven’t done anything.
It is important to learn how to deconstruct what has happened, this means that you have to take the facts that have occurred and adopt a point of view that will lead you to understanding, not only taking into account what has happened, but trying to put you in the place of those who may have hurt you.
You may find that what motivated them was not cruelty or selfishness, but their own limitations or frustrations. You may also understand that the best way to do justice is not to forget, but to learn to look like someone who has had a negative experience. but who also deserves to overcome it and be happy.