Do jealousy involve love? This is one of the most common problems in romantic relationships, however, that doesn’t mean it’s true. There is no love behind jealousy, and being jealous doesn’t mean one person cares more than the other.
Experiencing this unpleasant and sometimes complex emotion often indicates the presence of emotional needs that lead to insecurity and fear. Jealousy is bad company and they do nothing for anyone.
- We are jealous when we perceive the threat of someone taking away a loved one from us or when we think they have taken it from us.
- That is.
- We are afraid of losing someone.
In this way we create an interpersonal triangle in which the main protagonists are the person we love, a rival (who wants to be with her) and we, this situation, real or the fruit of our imagination, implies that our ego feels hurt. and wounded.
A study by Canto, García y Gómez (2009) notes that “” jealousy is likely to occur in response to the threat of a rival considered superior by the jealous in aspects important to his own conception. “
What does that mean? That we’ll be jealous of those “rivals” we think are superior to us.
At first, our vision of reality begins to fade as our levels of suspicion and anger increase, one realizes that the beloved pays more attention to the other and is more affectionate with him, or at least one believes him.
We see that this shows aspects of their way of being that we thought they were reserved only for us. What’s going on?
Jealousy can be imagined, that is, to create in our minds from small details without having any proof or proof, in these cases the problem is with ourselves.
However, they can also happen in an objective reality: our partner has fallen in love with someone else, not all relationships last long and this has to be taken into account.
These situations not only appear within the relationship, as jealousy can also occur in families, when a couple decides to have a second child, the firstborn may be jealous.
He begins to believe that with the arrival of his brother he will receive less attention and affection from his parents, so the eldest son does not accept the new brother and shows conflicting behaviors with the parents and the environment.
Why are you doing this to me?These and other similar questions automatically appear in our minds in such situations.
However, the first emotional reaction that usually occurs is anger towards the person we consider our rival, the purpose of this reaction would be to avoid the loss of their loved one or to take revenge on those we believe are guilty of what happened.
On the other hand, we may feel angry with your loved one, because we also consider him guilty of what happened, in some cases there are people who believe that the other is doing this to irritate them.
“Jealousy is bad company, we tend to confuse love with attachment. Love is free, attachment makes you vulnerable and dependent, and in response, do we feel that the other person belongs to us?
What many people don’t know is that jealousy is often accompanied by low self-esteem and a strong sense of insecurity. At the end of the day, it’s as if they don’t consider themselves to each other, even if they don’t. I don’t see it that way.
However, there may also be a property relationship in which the background message is usually “you’re mine, so pay attention to me. “
From this point of view, in addition to anger, anxiety also appears, so it is not surprising that the jealous person begins to try to exercise control over the situation so as not to lose his loved one.
Our insecurities lead us to distrust many aspects around us, but especially people. Adorno (1950) said that a mind with an undeveloped cognitive structure leads to insecurity as well as low self-esteem.
According to the author, social changes occur at such a rate that it is very difficult to build a healthy cognitive structure.
An authoritarian personality is a way to try to alleviate our insecurity and low self-esteem, so we need to control others to feel better about ourselves.
Erich Fromm, in his 1941 book “Fear of Freedom,” states that man seeks freedom, but when he finds it, he feels insecure and escapes. Fromm ensures that one way to avoid this insecurity is to control others.
Therefore, jealousy is motivated by an uncertain personality and low self-esteem, so instead of blaming and obsessing with the other person’s behavior, we should start looking inside ourselves.
Before starting any romantic relationship it would be very convenient and even necessary to make a great inner journey, when jealousy is part of our relationship, certainly something goes wrong.
So it’s time to dive into everything that’s hidden in our minds and get to know each other a little bit more.
“True love is to desire that all beings be happy and have the causes of happiness. If we partially love and care for it, can we fall into a relationship of dependence that can lead us to suffer great episodes of jealousy?
Someone who doesn’t know how to be alone, that is, someone who needs someone else to be happy, instead of creating a healthy love bond, will build an attachment-dominated relationship. someone else belongs to you and has an obligation to make you happy.
In a healthy romantic relationship, we are the ones who seek the happiness of our partner and set aside our long list of requirements.
Therefore, it is necessary to think about whether we accept the other person as it is or whether we are looking for someone to adapt it to our needs.
Finally, I would like to finish the article with a few words from the Buddhist nun Tenzin Palmo: “We imagine that the attachment we have in our relationships shows how much we love. In reality, attachment causes pain because the more we stick, the more fear we have to lose. And when you lose, you suffer a lot. The attachment says, “I love you, ” so I want you to make me happy. On the other hand, authentic love says “I love you, “so I want you to be happy.
So if we want to eliminate jealousy from our lives, why not free ourselves from internal emotional bonds and focus on working on our self-esteem?