Understanding the other is the threshold of empathy. It is only when we strive to connect with each other to know their reality, their needs and their emotions, that we facilitate the authentic respect that coexistence requires, because those who understand and sympathize with those in front of them feel that others also deserve to be considered and appreciated.
Let’s think about it for a moment. Imagine a world in which human beings interact like an anthill, everyone plays a role, every member of the community does their job without any other aspiration and without other motivations, no one cares about each other, there is no understanding and therefore, no empathy and emotions that facilitate attention, care, friendship, altruism?
- Without these processes humanity as such would not exist.
- It is true that people are also defined by negative and somewhat contradictory aspects.
- However no mental and emotional process is as important to our coexistence as understanding.
- Also.
- As surprising as it may seem.
- Few dimensions are so complex and difficult to execute.
Because those who know how to understand the other in an authentic way do so in a very concrete way: judgment-free and full of will, let’s see a little more about what this skill is in life.
There are few things that despair us as much as not being understood, since childhood we have been in contact with a devastating feeling that our parents, siblings, friends or teachers do not understand how we feel or what is happening to us. It happens, we are invaded by a mixture that goes from anger to sadness, which does not change in adulthood either.
Feeling misunderstood is one of the deepest and most painful feelings, perhaps that’s why, knowing what it means, we should do much more to deal with this skill, to help others, even though some people have failed us in the past However, you have to do well.
As Goethe observed, “people tend to hear only what they understand. “It is true that, in a way, we only connect with those who are more understandable to us, with those who are more in tune with our ideas, our values. and our thoughts.
However, understanding increasingly requires effort. In fact, sometimes it’s a really brave thing: discovering, accepting and connecting with those who don’t think like you.
To know how to understand others authentically it is necessary to clarify a detail, to understand is not the same as to understand, most of the time we end up with the second dimension, which is that we focus only on deciphering what others want to tell us. We are aware of the message and its meaning, that’s all.
Now, understanding involves something deeper, it’s not just about deciphering what they’re saying, it’s about connecting with the particular reality of the person in front of them through empathy, it goes beyond words to understand needs and feel them. Keep in mind that the process of understanding is incredibly active and complex.
For this process to be effective we must apply what in psychology we call the theory of the mind, a concept that is defined as our ability to deduce the mental states of others, such as thoughts, fears, desires, intentions, etc. In this way, we understand why they do certain things and even manage to predict future behaviors.
After processing all this information, we interpret it to act accordingly, all these mechanisms are integrated into the mental act of understanding, however, we cannot ignore the emotional aspect either.
Daniel Goleman also often speaks in his books of the need to understand himself, now let’s face a detail: it’s not just about deducing what the person in front of me can think or feel, it’s not enough to just be aware of what he is. thinks or if what you’re experiencing is fear or sadness.
Genuine understanding will never be possible if there is no will or interest. Therefore, the theory of mind and emotional intelligence are useless if my head is elsewhere when I talk to my partner. In addition to this desire, this active feeling of openness to others and of understanding what they are telling me and what is happening to them, other dimensions are also necessary:
In conclusion, as can be seen, the process that articulates the concept of understanding is more complex than you might think. Despite this, we are all able to implement it; Will, in most cases, is everything.