“To get the love of others, you must first love yourself. ” You must have heard that phrase hundreds of times, and it’s one of those truths that would be impossible to question.
The problem with this phrase is to say what to do, but without giving any idea how to do it, it is not so easy to make the decision:?Perfect, now I’m going to love each other, and from tomorrow, that the others love me?Having a good relationship with yourself can be an issue beyond your control.
- What you can see clearly in your life are the effects of this lack of self-esteem.
- Especially in the area of the couple.
- Where our most intimate conflicts arise is that we tend to feel more vulnerable and disoriented.
If the screws of your self-esteem aren’t tight, you’ll probably fall in love a lot, apparently Cupid would be mad at you. You shoot your arrow at any stranger you find there. Love at first sight?
The charm this unknown person awakens is probably a promise to you. This feeling can be very strong and yet false. Actually, there may be a real attraction, but as long as you don’t cross the line between fantasy and the real encounter with the other person, it’s just an illusion.
If this happens often, don’t hesitate: what’s in the background is an issue that needs to be solved with yourself, not Cupid, your attitude betrays a foul, and it’s so strong that at some point you lose the thread and end up filling that void even with a lie.
This kind of fantasy is often presented to those who already have a frustrated love story. “Unhappy loves” that leave bites and scars on the soul and many times also on the body. Loves, or so-called loves, that bring more bitter moments into your life. than full moments.
Conflict is the basis of the relationships of many couples; hurting others takes on an intensity so strong that it often becomes a substitute for intimacy; aggressions are seen as an opportunity for more visceral emotions to emerge; a kind of catharsis at the expense of the other. . You experience some pleasure, but accompanied by a lot of pain.
This type of relationship is the hardest to end, precisely because it is based on an emotional need. To end these bonds is to fall into the abyss of loneliness that covers the relationship. “It’s worse to be without anyone, ” you tell yourself.
This is precisely the point: nothing. The lack. This place was empty forever, perhaps because of emotional needs that were not met during childhood. Therefore, you can feel that emptiness, absence, that “nothing” is an unbearable feeling. What you don’t realize is that behind all the fights and fights, there’s the need, the disgust, the scenes of screams and complaints.
If you find a couple willing to share with you this little daily tragedy, you probably got closer because I had a similar problem, this person is also desperately looking for connections that will help him avoid his needs or postpone the task of reconciling himself, with his story.
The problem is that if you let yourself be seduced by this, you will miss the opportunity to build true love, one that makes you feel useful, the kind of relationship that gives security instead of stealing it, this bond is based on mutual acceptance. , the will to understand and respect.
You’d better do yourself a good once and for all, learn to recognize these pitfalls that prevent you from moving on, remember that life passes in the blink of an eye, there’s no need to dedicate it to fantasies or torments that, in essence, will only cause you to waste the time spent on it.
Photo: Courtesy of Angel Rodriguez-Rey