Lack of passion in the couple is one of the problems that causes the most dissatisfaction in the world of relationships, finding someone to be with can be difficult, but much more difficult to maintain a healthy and lasting relationship. more and more psychologists are concerned with finding the best way to achieve this goal.
In this article we will explore the importance of passion in relationships, as well as the best ways to fight when it disappears, so we must first understand why it arises and what role it has.
- We understand passion as a feeling that leads us to be attracted and excited by a person.
- Usually considered one of the three fundamental elements of relationships.
- In Sternberg’s triangular theory feeling passion for our partner is an indispensable condition for developing a relationship.
- Complete love.
However, why does this feeling occur? What is your role in people’s lives? The most accepted explanation nowadays is that given by evolutionary psychology, according to this discipline, the way to understand our emotions is to observe what function they fulfill when we present ourselves as a species.
Thus, this approach understands that passion served our ancestors to make them reproduce; when a couple is formed they both feel a great desire that leads them to maintain relationships almost constantly; later, once the children were born, it made no sense that this emotion would still exist.
If you look at what is happening in today’s couples, we will see that their evolution follows exactly the pattern we have just described, when two people start to leave they go through what is called the limerence period, meanwhile, both members of the couple feel a disproportionate attraction to the other person. At the brain level, all kinds of neurotransmitters are released and passion peaks.
However, once the relationship progresses, this initial energy shuts down and the couple’s lack of passion begins. The other two factors (commitment and intimacy) become more important and sexual desire gradually disappears.
Some research has even shown that intimacy and passion are incompatible to some degree. Oxytocin, the main hormone that strengthens the love bond, is also responsible for reducing the sexual desire that the members of a couple feel for each other.
So the first thing to understand about the lack of passion in the couple is that it is quite normal, human beings are not made evolutionaryly to have a relationship for life, but does that mean that it is impossible to maintain it?According to some experts, like Helen Fisher, this is not necessarily the case.
We have seen that our biology will not help us to maintain a strong desire within a stable relationship, once the limerence is over, the magic of the beginning is gradually extinguished, however, there are other factors that can help us solve the lack of passion of the partner. We will see some of them later.
Dozens of surveys have shown that living intense experiences can spark passion in a couple; for example, extreme sports, an amusement park getaway, or viewing a horror movie can help increase sexual desire when it starts to weaken.
One of the problems with which passion disappears is that people tend to give up when they have a partner, rather than trying to be more attractive to the other person, we calm down, fortunately this trend is very easy to remedy.
If you want to solve the lack of passion of the couple, one of the most effective solutions is to work to overcome, this can involve many things: going to the gym to work your social skills or your charisma.
Finally, to avoid some of the most harmful effects of oxytocin on passion, both members need to remain independent. We all love spending time with our partner. However, doing everything together is the fastest way for desire to gradually disappear.
So, if you feel that passion is fading, start booking a part of your life for yourself. As you become more independent, it will not only boost your self-esteem, but your partner will start looking at you with new eyes.
Maintaining a long-term passion in a relationship is difficult, but it’s possible. The three tips you’ve found here will help you get started. However, don’t be afraid to try other methods. After all, you and your partner are in the same boat.