“It’s absurd to worry as much about something like this, don’t you bother?”You have no reason to be sad, stop crying?”How many times have we heard these phrases with the best of intentions?
People have given us this advice, and we’re giving it to others, too. They look good and they’re sensible. However, what happens when we try to apply them?They don’t work, we don’t find the magic formula.
- “Wisdom is the art of accepting what cannot be changed.
- Of changing what can and.
- Above all.
- Of knowing the difference between them.
Unfortunately, our emotions do not follow orders or do not agree with our will, it is not enough to change how we feel, feelings are there and do not change so easily.
Besides, we’ll probably be frustrated. Feeling good has become an obligation and we are unable to fulfill it, we feel worse than at first: we feel guilty, discouraged and believe that everyone can handle their emotions except us.
It is clear that in this way a vicious circle is created that immerses us more and more in negativity, the greater the obligation to feel good and not give importance to things, the worse the problem gets in our minds and the worse we feel.
A phrase that has repeatedly been attributed to Einstein, although it is not known if it was he who actually said it: “If you look for different results, don’t always do the same. “Belonging or not to a scientific genius, the truth is that it is an intelligent phrase.
How do you get out of a vicious circle? Taking a different step, in that case we might wonder what would happen if we changed the phrases and advice we read at the beginning, in fact, this approach has been implemented based on third-generation therapies, such as mindfulness and acceptance and commitment.
Instead of fighting negative emotions, try to accept them. That doesn’t mean they will never change, only if you allow yourself to feel them. If I’m sad; yes, it is important to me and it worries me.
Watch with an open mind, without judging, because these thoughts always end up convincing us. Don’t fight in an ongoing fight, because fighting us leaves us exhausted and adrift.
No emotion is good or bad; they are all part of us and everything that makes us human. It is human to have ups and downs and emotional changes, it is the flow of life and we know the futility of swimming against the current.
Think of all your emotions as valid, feel them without fighting to change them, you will learn to identify them, to understand them (yours and others), to take them seriously, you will also find it by allowing your emotions to follow your own. Of course, over time, they end up, one by one, continuously.
Acceptance isn’t just about helping you. When someone feels unwell, also try using this technique with the other person. Think about following her feelings, feeling with her. Have empathy and acceptance as valuable emotions.
If the other asks you for advice, you can give it to him, but without judging yourself, you don’t have to feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable, offer to accompany him, speak if necessary or respect his silence, live the emotional experience and let the other live.
Remember that pain is an inevitable part of life. Do positive experiences make sense because there are negative ones? It’s the contrast that gives them meaning. How could we say we’re happy if we’d never been sad?
Also respect your suffering, as you have done with others, without imposing restrictions or punishments. You have the right to feel bad, cry or value situations.
Of course, respecting and accepting does not mean resigning ourselves to doing anything, it means giving ourselves the time and space we need for the emotion to occur. Once we understand our feelings better, we can decide if there is something we can do. to improve the situation.
In the end, the pain will also pass and eventually positive emotions will come, and then it will be even more important to put into practice what we have learned in pain, we will have to respond to what we can feel and observe. I’ll know better than ever what it feels like to feel good. Because feeling good or bad, in the end, is feeling human.