Usually when we ask someone about their past, the perspective is generally negative. The positive side is rarely examined; Is there a tendency to think about what could and could not have been done, the mistakes made, etc. ?, feelings of guilt, remorse and frustration.
Remember these “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, where the reader could choose different paths to follow?In real life, it’s usually the same when we make a decision. We usually look back and think about what would have happened if we qualified in a different way.
- Humans tend to seek perfection and think that our lives could have been much better.
- Which we rarely take into account is that if we had made other decisions perhaps it could have been worse.
- And since there is no way to know.
- The most rational thing would be to accept things as they happened.
- Without guilt or frustration.
- Because today we are who we are for the things that have happened.
- It’s true that we could be better.
- But perhaps worse.
- Too.
Nor do we take into account that what we do is judge by the results, not by the confirmatory functioning of our cognitive processes. “What the ass did I pick when this option was clearly the wrong one !? What we’ve omitted is that at the time of making the decision, it didn’t seem so wrong, and that’s all the evidence we’ve come across after increasing its probability by our mind.
Let’s look at an example of this curious cognitive phenomenon, you enter the kitchen, you see that the foot of one of the chairs oscillates a little and you decide that you repair it after eating, after finishing preparing the food, a new guest seems to be eating, occupying the playroom that you thought was unemployed. The client doesn’t realize it, and you don’t remember either. In the middle of lunch, pumbaaaaaa !! On the floor!
Listen to our thoughts: turns out I should have fixed it sooner, was it foreseeable that someone would come to sit down?Worse, one can condemn and judge harshly: “But I am a sloth, I always leave things for later and I am also angry. “No, no, no: when you made the decision to leave the repair for later, it didn’t seem likely that someone would come, but if you repaired your chair at the time, your food at the end, if you had fixed the chair, you would blame yourself for serving hot dishes to your guest and end up condemning yourself.
The past is something that cannot be changed, so to think about what we may have done does not help us at all, ideally, so that the past does not cause stagnation, would be to accept things as they have happened, from a more open and positive point of view. This means that when we remember our failures or negative events, we can see them in a more constructive way, thinking that all experiences are transformed into wisdom.
The following question can be asked to become aware of the learning behind each negative event: “If this episode happened to me again today, how would I react, what did I learn?
Wisdom is acquired on the basis of errors and problems. If our whole life had been sweet, perfect and trouble-free, we wouldn’t have learned that much. This is the example of overprotective parents; if they don’t let their children get it wrong and solve their own dilemmas, they limit learning. On the day of their absence, their children may not be able to face the world alone, causing them excessive stress in any conflict situation.
We usually tend to focus more on the negative aspects of the past than on the good things we’re living, some say no, that in fact nothing positive has happened to them in the past, but there are often small moments we cherish. If we can look back, looking for those little things that made us happy, we will automatically create a succession of thoughts about the good events that have occurred.
One exercise that can also help improve our vision of our past is to make a list of 10 good things that have happened to us and that we appreciate in our history. It doesn’t have to be great things, any event you’ve given us. you can include a moment of happiness.
For example, if you spent your afternoons playing with your best friend and had a great time, that’s important now, because that’s why you’ve learned the values of friendship.
Of all the good things that have happened to us, of all the great little moments that have made us happy, we have learned a lesson and shaped our emotions. Remembering those good times will help us see if we look back realistically, or if we focus only on the negatives.
Let us accept our past and look back to accumulate wisdom, not to mention good things as well. Let us continue our journey, because this gift we must live will become a past in a few years, and what you do now will influence your life. future satisfaction.
Photo courtesy of Jari Hindstroem