Let the one who plays win so that he loses you giving you a love with a taste of selfishness. Whoever plays alone to fill his emotional void deserves a big prize: his farewell. Whoever plays with you doesn’t deserve it, and if there’s one. What we can never lose on this set is dignity.
There is a very interesting book, written by neurologists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, entitled “The New Science of the Adult Brain”, which shows us something very revealing about this subject: people’s brains are programmed to seek and receive support. Feel safe with each of our bonds, whether emotional, friendly or couple.
- “I was already afraid of losing someone special and I ended up losing.
- But I survived and I’m alive!” Charlie Chaplin?.
Although many do not agree with this, at the neural level the human being is “emotionally dependent”. However, this dependency should not be seen as a total and absolute anchor for one or more people. We talk about our needs because we know we are loved, because we believe that we will be respected and that we can count on that person for everything we need.
Building a relationship based on a power game where you always win hurts What’s the turn, when we have a partner?Addicted? By making promises that don’t always contain or offer a love full of “hidden motives,” our brain first feels: great stress occurs. It’s an instinctive biological reaction that warns us something’s wrong.
Something breaks in us: the belief that someone you love respects, offers support, privacy and security, if we don’t sorry we will immediately enter a cycle of mistrust, vulnerability and anxiety.
Shall we think about that?
We all know that the success of a relationship depends on many factors, but one of them is undoubtedly the ability of both parties to provide and receive support, if one of them does not engage or neglect the needs of the other, the relationship slowly deteriorates.
Interestingly, it is difficult to identify this type of behavior. Sometimes we are used to it and do not realize it; they use us as pawns on a tray where there is a relentless king or queen who devours one by one all our hopes and strengths. According to the theory of systems applied to the emotional field, this is due to very specific factors.
When two people are in a relationship, something much larger than its two members is created, it is a system, it is like a sphere full of complex dynamics that transcend us, and to which we also often give very idealized characteristics. that this relationship is definitive, that it will be perfect and that together we will grow as people and as a couple.
We maintain this kind of belief and internal dialogue because our mind needs it: we want emotional and psychological security, yet every day that passes, this perfect system engages in a small but relentless dynamic, such as lies, contempt, disappointment, emotional blackmail. .
Few people are able to react the first time they see or feel these first blows. Our brain is programmed to withstand changes and will have inappropriate thoughts like, “Is it temporary?”, “Everything will change”, “If you love me, you will realize that it hurts me. “
However, this system weakens over time until it collapses like a castle of cards Should we be able to leave in time?So that we do not become the ashes of a sad dream, of a relentless game where we will be the losers.
The book by neurologists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller quoted above suggests that emotionally immature people generally understand love as a game, they are people who react only with the novelty of the moment, with immediate satisfaction, to meet their own needs.
“Sometimes losing is winning and not finding what you’re looking for is finding yourself.
? Alexander Jodorowsky?
They won’t hesitate to come to the moon to give you, if you offer them the sun, they’ll make promises when they’re happy and they’ll blame you for all your problems when you’re frustrated, but why do we often like people with this kind of personality?There is no particular reason, you could say that we are attracted to its intensity, its dynamism, or because sometimes they are looking for us as someone looking for air to breathe.
But don’t be fooled. Love is not a game, and when someone plays to lose us, we must let them win; it’s the best we can do. After all, we will also be winners: we will gain dignity, self-esteem and courage.
We must not forget that emotional maturity is also defined by our ability to observe reality as it is and to act in the face of difficulties, even if it hurts us, even if it breaks our hearts for a while. the right thing to do will help us recover quickly.