Listening without empathy is watching without seeing. That is, yes with the face while the mind is absent, disconnected and emotionally distant from the one in front of it. Few skills are as essential to building strong and meaningful relationships as communication and empathetic listening, those in which you can connect with eyes, feelings, and will.
Just a few months ago, Yale University psychologist Paul Bloom, a cognitive scientist, traveled the world for controversial commentary on empathy; according to him, this dimension is not very positive. However, to understand what he meant by these words, it is necessary to deepen his message.
- According to Professor Bloom.
- An act of lies sometimes hides behind this dimension.
- For example.
- A person can understand what the couple is explaining.
- But he does not care.
- That is.
- We are all able.
- In a certain way.
- To put ourselves in the shoes of others.
- But then act with total indifference.
We could therefore conclude with complete precision that empathy is of little use if there is no proactive attitude, a real awareness and an active attitude towards those before us. In addition, as Professor Bloom points out, sometimes there are people who adopt certain behaviors based on empathy, but not to help others, but to feel good about themselves.
All this encourages us to further refine our idea of this characteristic, it is not enough to be present, to feel and show that one understands the reality of the other, it is necessary to actively manifest this feeling, this connection.
“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When all our attention is with those we love, do they bloom like flowers?. – Thich Nhat Hanh-
Listening without empathy is more common than you originally thought, and sometimes we are so inclined to ritualize our daily interactions that we do not realize the lack of emotional connection, that we address almost unknowingly those in front of us.
A very typical example is parents who almost automatically respond to their children when they explain something Are they worldly phrases like?Or? Seriously, how interesting is it, picking them up from school or while they’re busy with something else and the kids trying to explain what they did during the day.
These dynamics do not mean that we love our children less, but sometimes we do not have time to be present and we simply listen without empathy, because life is hectic, because our journeys make our thoughts everywhere (and nowhere). at the same time).
We all had the same feeling when we talked to a person who walks away, who says yes with his head while his thoughts are miles away, however, it is common for other situations to occur where they give us a kind of answer, he says. or reflexes that, far from helping, act like walls, like barbed wire in emotional connection.
Are:
As we see, with these kinds of answers we realize that sometimes it is better that they do not tell us anything, so, in addition to listening without empathy, another problem is usually added: the issuance of answers that break empathetic understanding.
We can all be (and certainly be) empathetic people. In addition, studies such as that conducted by Dr Anthony David of the Institute of Psychiatry in DeCrespigny Park, London, show that it is now possible to measure empathy and obtain our own empathy coefficient.
If we did, we would certainly realize that we all have this dimension, but one thing we usually fail in is in one of its main dimensions: social capacity, that is, we are empathetic, but we do not use that skill effectively.
This leads us to limit ourselves sometimes to listening without empathy; we understand each other, but we react inappropriately or the other person does not believe that we understand it with authenticity, so we must take into account the following keys.
In conclusion, let us not assume that we are all experts in this area, we always have something to learn, improve, improve in the daily practice of empathy, so let us start with ourselves to give our best to others and thus take care of our relationships for what they are: true treasures.