Do you usually think of yourself? If we wanted to account for the thoughts that cross our minds in a day, it would be difficult to do so, it makes sense to think that of the 70,000 thoughts a day, the largest proportion, the winning part, goes to our needs.
Our own joys, our own tastes, our own problems (let’s not forget them). In other words, we think more about ourselves than anything else. In theory, it would make sense to imagine that.
- So perhaps an important part of thoughts is directed toward the people we love: partner.
- Family.
- Children.
- Friends.
- Waiting for tasks with them.
- Conflicts and memories of each person.
And, of course, there’s still a small portion, think of unnecessary, worldly and everyday topics like ‘this TV show is boring’. Stuff from every day?
It has been shown that the time our mind spends on the rest of the world is often excessive compared to the time we might need for ourselves.
Let’s say that sometimes our brains, minds and we lack space, being occupied by things that are alien to us and that can even escape our control.
“Didn’t you like what I said?” It’s my fault, I should have done something different, or the best, “I think I’m very selfish. “
Negative phrases that make us feel bad when they make us feel like we did something wrong, or at least not well enough for someone else. Thoughts not dedicated to ourselves, to our defense, but to others.
It is incredible the ability of the human being to enunciate phrases such as those mentioned in his mind, which have an emotional impact.
Thinking of others excessively has emotional repercussions
You’d think that thinking like this is inevitable, there are millions of arguments that validate how we feel, but how many are there to defend ourselves?
The reality is that throughout our lives we are continually exposed to educational messages of style:?We have to share, or are the others good?Do everything you can to make others happy?
These are educational messages because we feed them during childhood, it seems that from a young time we need these kinds of messages and then create our own values, however these phrases have several limitations for the adult:
First, it’s orders. It’s not just phrases, they’re not suggestions, so it’s like they’re forcing us to be in a certain way.
? Educate your child with suggestions, you might think. We’re not kids anymore. We can change and reflect on these orders, discuss them.
Who decides to do it? Or we’re not ourselves. Who decides whether or not to share our resources is ourselves.
Second, these are diatomical orders. In other words, is it necessary to divide?Because if we don’t share, we’ll do something wrong. ” Do your best to make others happy, or you’ll be selfish.
They don’t give us room to be “a little selfish. “It’s all or nothing. Good or bad. Perhaps the question is “where are the shades of gray in this absolute black and white?”
And finally subjectivity. No one has ever written what it means to be selfish or “altruistic. “
Where are the rules written for us to consider selfish?How many times do we have to take care of ourselves and not others?
The Romans used the word selfishness to explain “personal practice. “
At the end of the day, everyone has their own version of the terms and we all try to see each other in a way that we’re the good guys.
We rationalize, we argue, we assume the role of evil, we punish ourselves, hoping to do penance for this enormous evil that we have committed. And it makes sense. After all, we are the protagonists of our own story.
Occasionally, we find ourselves accidentally caught up in logic that only harms us. We give time, resources and strength to people who seem to have no other end in life than to crush us.
And we couldn’t stop. We are afraid of the negative consequences, we are afraid to move away from the path that we have been drawn.
Reflecting and rationalizing these thoughts, these messages, with peace and quiet, can be the exercise that our human condition needs most.
This little space of time in which, reflecting, we realize this, may not be so bad. Maybe he needs time for me, maybe he doesn’t want to share this with anyone right now, maybe he should be selfish in this situation.
It may be justified to be selfish in certain situations. Maybe being selfish just means we love each other.