When we talk about love and love, does it look like more?It’s always synonymous with “better” and to believe this lie is to take a poison pill disguised as candy. If we analyze the moments lived with the person we love and the suffering to be beaten is because something is wrong; we become victims of what we call “love. “
To love is not to suffer, it is not to sacrifice constantly and always bet in the dark. To love is not to be blind, it is not to justify even the impossible, nor to forgive any event for mercy. dependent, is not developing an umbilical cord that binds him to his partner.
- To love is not only quantity.
- But quality.
- To love is not to overprotect.
- It is not to seek to solve all problems in the shadow of the other.
- Nor to protect among children a cotton tree trapped in an adult body.
- Of course.
- To love is not to end up physically or mentally destroyed.
- If our relationship interferes with our emotional balance and even our health and physical integrity.
- We certainly over-love.
“Let this love expect nothing in return is an invention of the submissive: if you give, you want to receive. Is this normal, reciprocal. ?? Walter Riso?
It seems that a large gap between men and women separates the way of understanding and facing relationships, in it are very involved cultural ideals, education received, the family environment in which the person grew and even biology itself.
Children’s experiences with our reference characters, and in particular with our parents, play a key role in how we relate to others throughout our lives, painful and difficult situations, disamor, lack of important characters, or lack of limitations are just a few of them. factors that mark the way we search and care.
On the one hand, some women tend to face love developing a strong addiction or obsession with the other person, the current of emotions is lived very intensely, expressed through the need for care and understanding of the other, adopting a role of “saviors”. Therefore, it is very ironic that women can respond with such compassion to some and remain blindfolded to the pain of their own lives.
If an individual is able to love productively, he also loves himself; if you only know how to love others, you don’t know how to love at all. ? -Erick Fromm-
On the other hand, many men escape their emotions through externalization, that is, obsessing with work, using drugs or using their free time in hobbies that leave little behind. time to think. They are usually emotional blockage strategies because of the inability to cope and understand emotions. Don’t they face discomfort or trouble because they’re too heavy, overwhelming, embarrassed or guilty?so it’s best to avoid it.
Such behaviors can occur in both men and women, but they are often the ones who develop patterns of care and sacrifice as a means of seeking and offering affection, while men try to protect themselves and avoid pain through more external than internal, more impersonal forms. than personal goals.
Many times we are not satisfied with a couple, but we spill out saying that this is just a bad time. We justify the experience by thinking that relationships are like this, passionate at first and tortuous in the end.
We forgive each other’s actions by convincing us that they will change. Or maybe we don’t have the courage to end the relationship “for fear of causing harm. “In fact, behind all this lies our own fear of suffering; we are afraid of being alone or not finding someone else who can support us.
Who never fell in love and the feeling wasn’t reciprocal?Or maybe you had excellent, intoxicating and sensational sex, but the rest of the relationship was painful?Maybe you’ve found you acting like your partner’s mother, or you think not having one by your side makes everything useless.
There are many situations we may have experienced when we relate to others, and therefore there are also many mistakes we make and the forms of self-deception we invent to relieve pain.
“Guilt, shame and fear are the immediate factors of deception. “Daniel Goleman?
Maybe if we stop to discuss how we act when we’re with someone and how our partners often interact with us, we can find pieces that are similar, chapters that sometimes repeat themselves, even with other people. Partners come and go in our lives, but we always come across the same stones.
There comes a time when we immerse ourselves in a vicious circle, which is simply repeated, we cannot get out and we don’t even know how we got there.
Again the same dramatic melody, the same bitter chords, and even if the orchestra is different, the conductor is still you, even if the person is different, even if the time of your life is different, although you promised not to live the same thing anymore, you love him too.
Why did this happen? The standards we learn as young people to build relationships with others are very fixed; we spend our whole lives practicing them and the challenge of abandoning or changing them is very threatening and challenging, but even more difficult is to realize and be aware of the reality of the situation, so that we can see what happens internally.
The secret is to start understanding us, to wonder why we are constantly looking for someone to heal or protect, why does the voice fail when we try to explain how we feel and end up abandoning this idea?
What is the need to know exactly what happens to the other person and control them when they are not with me?Why, despite the suffering, do we continue to maintain a relationship that has died in life?
If the way we relate is to hurt ourselves and the person next to us, but we are doing nothing to understand and change that, life will not be a way to grow, but a struggle to survive. If loving ends up being painful, it’s time, to love yourself to end the pain.
“Loving oneself is the beginning of an eternal love story. -Oscar Wilde-