To love without anxiety, without attachment, without developing addiction, is it to love?No need. It is to engage the other in freedom and consciously, to share the same project where no one loses, where identities are not boycotted and where there is no place for narcissism, to live such a relationship is always possible and when we know clearly the principles and limits, we understand that no matter how much love, but how you love it.
Before delving into this idea, it is necessary to clarify what we mean in this context when we talk about attachment: from an ethological point of view, nothing is as important to the human being, and especially to the newborn, as the emotional. It is an intense and lasting bond indispensable for our development, an impression where a healthy love helps us to build our personality.
- “Creating a relationship of dependence means abandoning the soul in exchange for false pleasure and security.
- “Walter Riso?.
However, from the point of view of affective relationships, attachment takes another consideration, it is clear that we all need this security base where we know that the other person is there for us, we know that we are loved, that there is a commitment and a series of agreements that build us as a couple. However, this term usually covers an area where only fear and insecurity grow.
Building a love based on attachment means needing the other in the same way that the child needs his parents: feeling validated, nourished, reaching his place in the world, is a love devoid of personality and immature where there are only needs, fears and addictions.
Loving without developing a dependent attachment is not easy, unfortunately most people have become accustomed to loving in these conditions, we want loves that fit our size, fill our voids and loneliness, heal our spare parts and, in addition, sew the wings with which we can fly on our backs. We want everything and forget the most important thing: start with ourselves.
No one has an obligation to save us, to rebuild us or to transform us into what we have always dreamed of, responsibility is solely ours. However, we are used to giving ourselves to others in the hope of feeling complete and fulfilled, to meet each of our needs. The explanation for this kind of psychological and emotional dynamic, however curious, lies exclusively in the type of society in which we live. were brought up.
Since childhood, our culture has given us the idea that “happiness?”It’s synonymous with owning things. Something like this only leads us to an agonizing emotional reality: the eternal idea we lack?Something?. In this way, we orient our existence towards a constant search to have and accumulate certain things in the hope of feeling good. We develop obsessive bonds with objects, ideas and people thinking that in this way we will make sense of our existence.
This kind of attachment corrupts and oxidizes, holding us eternal hostages to what we think we lack. We begin to need things and people, not because of an authentic or primary need, but because of a social and emotional impulse, because of a blind mechanism that leads to suffering and fear of deprivation.
Is such an existence worth it? Of course not. Achieving this will not only help us create healthier emotional relationships, but also to have a happier and more fulfilling life.
To love on the basis of sleep and not out of necessity involves loving the other for what it is, not for what we want it to be, is to love someone as we love the sun, the moon and the stars. we want them to belong to us, but we appreciate you being there to enlighten us, inspire us in everyday life and accompany us in our way of life. The fact that we do not consider this person to be our property does not prevent us from taking advantage of your company.
Now let’s look at some secrets to love without attachment, to achieve a relationship without addictions.
Thus, we must be able to choose a relationship based on free trade, away from anxiety and insecurity. We speak of bonds in which there are no obsessive needs, but of strength or generosity produced through trust and complicity, which offer the “leave you will be”. because I know that I am loved. I trust the one who chose me, because this person loves who I am and is not with me to ward off the ghost of loneliness.