Mariela Michelena is a psychoanalyst specialized in relationships, in her books she shows us how a person who suffers from emotional dependence lives, and the most false and toxic way in which this type of relationship can develop, in addition to all the problems. that arise from this form of relationship.
Despite the years that have passed and we have moved forward, it seems that we have been caught up in a series of illusions, expectations and mis steps to follow, which continue to lead to disastrous relationships. In this context of relationship, it seems that one continues to stumble upon the same stone. Perhaps these Mariela Michelena phrases will help us get rid of old beliefs and adopt healthier ones.
- “Margaret’s old interrogation formula: Do you love me?You hardly love me? It’s a misleading formula.
- For Margarita’s answers to be reliable.
- You must ask more complex questions: Do you love me the way I deserve you to love me?? Mariela Michelena in her book The Unloved Women?.
This is one of mariela Michelena’s first sentences, very energetic and in which our ease of putting ourselves in a situation of suffering, suffering that is sometimes preventable and sometimes not, so that in the last one is won when you are intelligent when you come to manage this inner pain. Suffering can happen because we can’t have children or because the accounts aren’t close to what we need to live and the resources we have.
However, when we talk about suffering out of love, we talk about suffering because we don’t love each other or that they don’t love us, are we with our partner because we’re afraid of being alone?In these cases, he suffers us for love, a love that is not healthy.
When we suffer out of love, we will receive nothing in return, even if we believe it. “If I am submissive, he will stay with me; If I don’t say what I think, won’t you leave me?”These thoughts make the relationship toxic and lead us to adopt harmful attitudes that go against our own person. Even if we believe otherwise, is it never worth it?
The second sentence of Mariela Michelena that we have chosen speaks of this eternal search for Prince Charming, a quest that does not end very well, because in our frustration at waiting for what does not happen, we end up turning any frog into a prince. Until, over time and with great difficulty, we managed to remove the veil we were placing and discover the real reality, so we feel deceived by each other, when the idealization was ours.
Many people do not expect anyone to truly love them, others start dreaming and creating expectations the first time someone welcomes them, the haste is never a good companion, much less in relationships, this is where we have to weigh what we want, that we are looking for, and we open our eyes well to see if the person in front of us corresponds to the image we have created of it.
“The more love is embellished and covered, the more dependent and impoverished the passionate person becomes. Mariela Michelena?
Many people treat their partners as if they were children or babies, in this case the woman acts like a mother and treats her partner as if she were a baby. When is the circle closed? Baby? It offers you unconditional love.
Unconditional love is an unconditional love in which, as Mariela Michelena says, “those who love with unconditional love do so because they want it, because they want it and because they govern their love”. He doesn’t need reciprocity, his own love is Enough and it’s true for both of us. It’s a love we can give to a child, but not to our partner.
If we look at the situation, we will realize that to love a man as if he were a baby is to love an illusion, something that only exists in our mind, if we open our eyes we will realize that this baby has a beard, He is an adult and self-sufficient. To give him unconditional love is to give him enormous power, and he can hurt us. In fact, it says a lot about the little love we have for ourselves.
Mariela Michelena warns us against the conviction that if we find true love, passion never goes away, isn’t that true, because coexistence, routine, problems? Certainly love alone will not keep passion at the same level. our actions, details, commitment, etc.
While there may be couples whose passion is lasting, it usually needs some care over the years to maintain it, otherwise sometimes it can even disappear, causing frustration in the couple.
“We demand from life things that you do not have to give us, and we demand from ourselves a happiness to which we do not need to be condemned. Mariela Michelena?
The last of Mariela Michelena’s sentences is extremely important for us to realize that the limits of love, what we deliver and offer, is up to us, in every relationship we must have clear and well-established limits, which we would not tolerate. under any circumstances, what would be the triggers for us to pack up and leave.
It’s different for every person. For example, there will be people who cannot tolerate infidelity, others, depending on how it happens (a nighttime adventure, a parallel relationship, multiple infidelities), can apply a higher or lower tolerance, the important thing is that we set all these limits. . Overcoming them would undermine our values, and that is something that, in the long run, will be counterproductive.
However, it seems that all this we forget when we enter into a relationship, we are able to do the unimaginable, the greatest follies, to maintain something that may not be sustainable, do we have any limits?Do we value ourselves?
The trick of not falling into a relationship that destroys us is to take care of our own self-esteem and not exceed the limits we set ourselves according to our values, but above all, we must learn to move away from the beliefs and expectations we have. promote the idealization of the other.