Forgiveness of oneself can become a complex process. This is of great importance in private life and also in public life (especially in groups where there are high levels of conflict or even war). The absence of forgiveness of oneself leads to a blockage of emotional life and vital potentialities. very difficult due to the activation of a mechanism called “moral disconnection”.
Moral disconnection acts as a kind of veil, a blur of consciousness, what the person previously did not allow, now considers lawful, is a form of self-deception that, on the one hand, opens the way to atrocities, to a greater or lesser extent, and on the other hand, prevents forgiveness to oneself.
- “Forgiveness says both about the character of the person who gives it and about the person who receives it.
- “Justin Cronin?.
We are not born with a defined morality and ethics, we build and develop them according to our society and culture, in this way we acquire principles and standards of behavior that allow us to respond to situations guided by values based on our experiences. Its function is to preserve individual and collective well-being.
However, neither this scale of values nor these principles is a permanent reality, in certain circumstances these things are suspended. When there is a war, for example, another human being’s life can be allowed to end in favor of his own field, even if outside of such conflicts, this attitude is not allowed.
This suspension or rupture with principles and values gives way to moral disconnection. Returning to the example of war, killing or deceiving others is no longer reprehensible because, in these circumstances, previous morals and ethics no longer apply.
According to studies on the subject, there are four ways in which moral disconnection can occur, all of which have to do with a change of perspective and justify behaviors that would not otherwise be tolerated, the four mechanisms of moral disconnection are:
What does moral disconnection have to do with one’s forgiveness?At first it is impossible to forgive something that is not recognized as a moral or inappropriate error, for self-forgiveness we must suspend these mechanisms of justification and minimization. It’s impossible.
The point is that, in many cases, the aggressor will sooner or later return to a moral terrain where justice and reason predominate, that is what happens, for example, after a war, if this happens, a kind of void opens up.
This gap can be solved in different ways, for example, when attitudes are denied, hiding their participation or adopting a cynical position, sometimes remorse takes over someone to the point of opting for self-harm and self-harm.
There are conflicts after which moral disconnection cannot exist, the healthy thing in these cases is to create the conditions for the pardon to occur, followed by a reasonable act of reparation.
Otherwise, the person becomes an imposter or is paralyzed by guilt. It also doesn’t solve the situation, but it distorts it and involves costly emotional deviation.
Forgiveness to oneself begins when we accept responsibility for our actions, without delay, what follows is to repair the damage, as far as possible, materially or symbolically, the request for forgiveness of the other is fundamental to healing, only in this way can we make peace with the past and move on.