Life is a constant succession of mourning. Over time we leave the environment, colleagues, family, friends and loves, relationships break down, we leave the premises, the steps end, pain appears.
Some of these experiences can be painful, but the death of a loved one is undoubtedly the hardest, they are very difficult times, so much so that we do not know what to do to get out of this spiral of pain. ask for anything, don’t be in a hurry to find solutions and answers. There are no written rules about what is right when an important and intimate bond is lost. As human beings, we need time to emocionalmente. de the main functions of the grieving process.
“If you want to be able to endure life, you must be willing to accept death. -Sigmund Freud-
Some people around you will try to define what can help you, and you might even press or feel very confused. Don’t you come into your house?” Is it better not to go back to this place?Do you need to give away your things?” Don’t torture yourself by looking at your pictures. “
Decide for yourself, do not avoid the moments or situations in which you feel the need to live, because it will cause you more suffering in the long term. Do and say what you need and want, making mistakes when saying something doesn’t hurt as much as not saying things. Even if you’re overwhelmed by pain: decide for yourself.
There are deaths that can have more impact than others, if you believe that death could have been prevented, if you believe that the person suffered, if you do not have all the information, if you died after a long illness or perhaps how you received the news. they say they are better in the first days than after a few months. It is a completely normal reaction whose function is protective. The initial state of shock is a mental defense that protects us from overwhelming pain.
“Like a sea, around sunny life, death sings its endless song day and night. -Rabindranath Tagore-
Sometimes the initial shock, in the grieving process, follows fear, anguish, panic, agitation, anger, confusion, thought is chaotic, you can’t concentrate on anything, you still don’t assimilate what happened and you even imagine that it was all a nightmare.
Your mind doesn’t work as usual, it’s true, but everything you experience is completely normal, it’s called disconnection (disconnecting from the environment) and depersonalization (disconnecting from yourself), that’s how the body should handle suffering by measuring it over time. .
Being in this state is not being crazy or sick. This rupture and confusion is part of the experience of your loss. Pain is natural, as harmful as it may seem. When a loved one is no longer with us, the most human. the reaction is to suffer.
If that important person is no longer with you, the last thing that crosses you is a feeling of euphoria and joy, and you don’t have to work on it. Respect your time and allow yourself a space to feel the sadness. It’s time for you to get in touch with yourself and your environment, you need sensitivity, care and respect.
And the souvenir objects, is it better to save or remove them?The problem is not to keep them or not, the question is: what to do with them. The objects are meant to help maintain a bond that was very important to you. Let us connect with memories and feel that there is still a relationship.
If objects make you express your feelings, they help you follow the right path of grief, but if preserving them is a way of not accepting what happened or denying reality, then you can’t move on, it’s not about getting rid of everyone in a hurry, don’t rush. Take time to decide what you’d like to do with it. Also, don’t let anyone do this job for you, do it yourself if it’s painful, it will help you.
“Death does not deprive us of loved ones. On the contrary, he keeps them and immortalizes them as a souvenir. Life often deprives them of us forever. -Francois Mauriac-
Don’t punish yourself, never keep saying that you should feel better now, your time is yours and the worst enemy of pain is not to let yourself be felt, from every loss we learn what is really profound and important to us We organize emotions and priorities and grow personally, even if nothing is ever the same again, we are developing new ways to overcome difficulties and face our conflicts.
Grief is an injury caused by lack of relationship, this lack leads us to question the meaning of life, so existential crises confront us with many questions, as human beings are always looking for the meaning of life, and the more we pursue it, the more it will run away from us.
The meaning is not a stop along the way, it is not a one-off answer, it is a way of walking in life, it is precisely through loss and mourning that we find a way to continue. Don’t be in a hurry, the only place you have to go is yourself.
“If men can’t make sense of history, can they at least act in such a way that their own story makes sense?-Albert Camus-