One of our greatest achievements on a personal level is to achieve total emotional autonomy at some point in life, it is at this moment that we take full responsibility for ourselves without toxic addictions, without relying on anyone to fight with dignity and balance and achieve everything. we want and deserve.
It’s not easy. Emotional autonomy is an aspiration for personal growth that not everyone can achieve, this autonomy, defined as the ability to make decisions according to one’s own will, has many obstacles, high walls and an army of experienced enemies, external pressures and our internal sabotages constantly. restrict this goal.
- This psychological construction actually organizes many daily dynamics that may seem more or less familiar.
- Each parent.
- For example.
- Tries to develop adequate emotional autonomy in their children.
- Knowing how to do it ?.
- With which they can feel much more competent when thinking.
- Feeling and identifying their goals.
- Assuming their consequences.
There is a lot of bibliography that deals with the subject of emotional dependence and relationships where one of the two exercises power, while the other accepts and keeps silent out of fear, blind love or even because of the pressure of a certain culture. The currency is, therefore, an aspect that is talked about less than it should in many of our self-help manuals: emotional autonomy.
In this article we propose to deepen the study of this fundamental aspect of emotional dependence.
We need to start thinking about the fact that people who can’t control the the most control are the ones who have the most control over others, these people aren’t emotionally mature and need to control the people they love to build their self-esteem and validate their power.
As we pointed out at the beginning, it is very complex to get out of this dynamic, most of the time there is a buried anchor that keeps us dependent on certain figures of authority, such as parents, couples, etc. control and domination are the most delicate and the most resilient, because they feed on a stormy love: this love that takes away air, life, light.
Life alone does not always allow total and absolute personal autonomy. However, what we have in our favor is the ability to decide; where emotional autonomy reaches its maximum relevance, when we are able to develop the right mental clarity to regain voice and dignity, we will be able to say what we want, when we want, what we do not want and those we do not want in our lives.
We must learn to live with our own references of power
Living as a strata in emotional autonomy means mastering everything we define as autonomy. Build a strong identity to ensure your integrity, make decisions, and take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. Maintain a positive attitude to life and make it a very special journey. A journey within ourselves to become aware of all our aspects, whether positive or negative.
“Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside, wakes up?”?Carl Gustav Jung?
We propose to start this journey with the following steps
If someone chooses things for you, you don’t feel able, if someone solves your problems, if you expect the other to approve your ideas, give you permission or tell you where to go or not, you’ll never develop enough autonomy. Even if you doubt, doubt, fear or don’t feel able, do it and decide to act for yourself.
One of the greatest enemies of emotional independence is undoubtedly ‘committed autonomy’, complex situations built especially between couples, where they both live in a very destructive self-deception.
Can we say do what you want?,? Decide what you need ?,?Everything you say is fine ?,? tonight with your friends, if you want ?, when we actually expect otherwise. In fact, these are implicit mandates that need to be managed in order for emotional autonomy to be authentic and complete in this relationship.
Emotional autonomy also determines that no person has the right to decide for us what we can do or have. “Are you going where you are?” It’s good for you, it’s what makes you happy and not the nonsense that goes through your head. ?.
Another aspect to think about is that many of us know very well what the elements of emotional autonomy are: do we know what self-esteem, self-affirmation, resilience are?
Perhaps we should take into account the advice Erich Fromm left us: “Dare to be free. “Because in most cases, you just have to dare, take a step forward to become what you really want.
Images courtesy of HuanLe.