One of my earliest childhood memories is his image coming out of his house and never coming back again, the sound of the door closing still shakes me, marked me for life, you don’t know how much my wounds owe to your abandonment. Dad.
When your father disappears and never comes back, when no one explains what happens to you because he thinks you’re too young to understand or you’re just trying to protect yourself, that’s when you end up suffering even more. It’s up to you to paint the reasons you can read between the lines, with all your ghosts, about reality.
- And these are the reasons that can do the most harm and the ones that mark your future ties with other men.
- With your partners.
- Because the fault of leaving.
- For you.
- Is yours.
- You were a bad girl and you don’t deserve.
- Your father by your side.
- You don’t understand the problems in the relationship.
- But the punishments that indicate how bad you were.
- And losing your father is a punishment.
This absent father, who left her voluntarily, creates emotional gaps that you try to fill with guilt, because if you had been good, he wouldn’t have left, if you’d been good, you’d have won a father by your side. .
You lost your courage because you were a bad girl and that’s why she left. No one gave you any choice but to think otherwise. You are a girl, and as such, in this egocentrism of a boy’s development, you believe that everything is really under your control, everything has a reason and everything is related to you.
When you’re a kid, you think the bad things that happen to the characters in the stories are just the result of your own evil, it’s morality, so guilt is the emotion that best explains how you feel when you leave a father. That’s why you feel bad, because you don’t know any other way to understand this emotional vacuum.
Emotional absence is a vacuum that marks and is impossible to hide, a void that becomes the fear that in the future this will happen again, a void that makes you see all men and think that you are the same as the one who left and should. I’ve taken care of you.
This emotional emptiness of abandonment also makes you question your own worth, your self-esteem already grows with a burden, with a stone that prevents you from loving yourself, because when you experience abandonment at such a young age, your own value is based on the will of others to be by your side.
Hence his style of attachment. Your relationships are marked by fear and loneliness, which are marked as sources that prevent you from letting anyone near you, you become emotionally inaccessible just to try to protect yourself, so the way you relate follows a pattern:
Overcoming abandonment is a step that, overcome, always brings emotional maturity, means rebuilding, cementing self-esteem and the way of relating, starting with loving and accepting oneself, even if it has been abandoned.
This means accepting the pain of absence and understanding that sentimental relationships are broken, without a specific culprit, but because love ends and sometimes hurts, so it is precisely difficult to give love to the fruit of a broken relationship.
It also often means learning new forms of social and emotional relationships, where the acquisition of social skills allows to be accessible without being dependent.
In the end, overcoming the negative feelings that paternity can cause prevents you from being condemned to repeat it, understanding it as a natural and necessary process will allow you to feel free in the couples you can form, and this memory will not necessarily become a hotbed of polluting anxiety.