Narcissistic friends are those who spend hours telling us about their problems and experiences without even asking us how our day has gone. Is this person who is always late, who always faces the most implausible whims when we need her?She is essentially a figure who sooner or later we will wonder if it is worth having in our lives.
Why have we come to befriend these kinds of profiles, that may be the first question we can think of, now we have to highlight a simple point. For many (especially those who watch the problem from the outside), it may seem simple to think, “If I have a narcissistic friend, I just get rid of it. “
- However.
- Things are not always so simple when it comes to human relationships.
- First.
- There is the bond of affection.
- Sometimes we maintain a bond for decades simply out of habit.
- Because it is many years and many shared experiences; other times.
- We are not entirely aware that this person has a narcissistic profile until the damage has accumulated and the erosion suffered by that bond is no longer profound.
There is also another aspect, as the psychologists Dufner, M. , Rauthmann, JF, Czarna, AZ and Denissen, J (2013) explain in an interesting study: narcissists are, at first, very attractive personalities, know how to connect, are enthusiastic and transmit a very positive energy at the beginning of the relationship, when they try at all costs to connect with someone.
So, is it easy to fall into this kind of friendship that first attracts us and then slows us down, when we are already fully aware of its side effects and its damage, we do not really know how to act? more info below.
We will not use the term “toxicity”. This word of common use and metaphorical meaning has no clinical entity and, in this case, when we refer to a narcissistic personality, we enter into much more complex, profound and unique aspects that deserve to be understood.
For starters, narcissism is part of a spectrum. There are people with slight narcissistic traits and profiles who already represent a narcissistic personality disorder. A study by Dr. Elizabeth L. Kacel of the University of Florida (USA)U. S. ) It indicates that the origin of this behavior generally depends on three dimensions: genetics, neurobiology and environmental factors.
One aspect that generally explains much of these behaviors in narcissistic friends is the effect of an unfavorable family environment, they seek validation they did not have in childhood, they want recognition they did not have in the past, and often tend to repeat these abuses and repeat the behaviors that their parents probably exercised with them.
Understanding this can explain many things to us. However, it is also essential to recognize which patterns and behaviors characterize narcissistic friends.
The focus on which the whole conversation revolves is related to themselves, no matter if the dialogue starts with something casual, something that has happened to us or with very current information, the narcissistic friend will eventually bring the question back to its place.
If you’re late you’ve had an accident, if he can’t be with you when you need it, it’s because something unexpected and almost always serious has happened; something that far exceeds anything that’s happened to you.
These are the people you’re hard to trust because you know they won’t be there; Those who are always trapped in the unexpected and as unusual as you can imagine, with this they always realize what they want most: to be the center of attention.
No matter what happened to you at work, your partner or your family, all your concerns will be negligible when you try to explain them to a narcissistic friend, as well as minimize what happened, he’ll underestimate him too. Tell will have already been experienced by him (and if he did not, he will invent that he lived).
Does this change your person’s attention?, focus on yourself, boycott you and, with this, you will be able to be the protagonist of the theater of life again.
Narcissistic friends often have low self-esteem and low self-esteem, which implies something that, in the long run, can be very destructive: they always prefer us at their height or lower, that is, they will be more in tune with us if we are unhappy, if our ability to succeed is minimal, if we are not sure, if we are permanent tenants in our comfort zone.
Now, when successes appear in our lives, when we reach our goals and feel happy, they will again minimize all our achievements, and they will do so for a very simple reason: envy, they are unable to control that feeling, that dangerous damage and emotion with which they can cause us a lot of harm if we do not erect barriers of contention.
Narcissistic friends are not good travel companions in the adventure of life, they stop us, they obscure the landscape, they do not let us see and even lead us a bad way, so you could say that it is best to do, without a doubt, to leave them in the nearest station and, thus, travel lighter, freer and healthier.
However, as we pointed out at the beginning, narcissism is part of a continuum, there are people and friends who deserve a second chance, so it is essential that they understand the effects (and consequences) of their actions and behaviors. On the contrary, there are also profiles that will not respond to our suggestions and warnings.
In cases where the will to change is null and void and there is a clear refusal to seek specialized help, the most reasonable thing to do is undoubtedly to take more drastic measures according to the most important thing: maintaining one’s own health and well-being. .