Don’t do this, don’t stress, don’t imitating your existence, because nothing you do will be good for a lot of people, but what does it matter?To stop worrying about what is wrong is to gain in mental health and, above all, to end those ruminant thoughts that rob us of energy and tranquility.
We must admit that this constant abandonment to others is almost a thoughtful act for many of us, it is like a psychic tendon that has long fulfilled a very concrete role in the human being: to be accepted by the group, because anyone who thinks differently or acts by a healthy selfishness is sometimes isolated from the great flock of white sheep. And it can be traumatic for a lot of people.
- However ironic it may seem.
- What we receive by giving ourselves constantly and absolutely to others is actually reduced self-esteem and drowned desires.
- Because just as there is absolute complacency.
- There are also many unscrupulous predators.
- Almost instinctively to take advantage of these people for whom the word “NO” does not exist or is forbidden in consciousness.
Believe it or not, the need to adapt almost at any time to the expectations of others is also a form of self-harm. Gradually we enter a complex dynamic where we discover that we are being manipulated, what to say?Yes, it’s already a reflex act that’s hard to control. Frustration causes anger, anger causes discomfort, and discomfort causes a nervous breakdown.
Nothing is as dark as discovering that we are our own enemy, simply because we dare not practice healthy selfishness. We suggest you think about that.
Falling into the obsession of meeting all the expectations of our partner, family or boss ends our mental strength, we encounter few emotional and psychological resources, and we even develop a type of existential anemia where the fabric of our self-esteem is found. severely affected.
Most complex of all, this sacrifice of life is not always rewarded, not everyone understands reciprocity or appreciates our efforts, but we continue to invest in it, and this mental dedication knows no vacation or rests at the end of the day. Trip.
The psychic overload in which the complacent person derives is further intensified by obsessive thoughts and a mix of internal dialogues dominated by the idea that “if I do not do this, it is possible that”, “I have to do very well because if it is not perfect, could that be ??.
We have to keep in mind a fundamental aspect. This ongoing stress, based on the fact that we increasingly accept requests that we cannot attend to, often ends in the cycle of depression. Albert Ellis, a famous cognitive psychotherapist, reminds us that this vital suffering is not just due to those who ask. We, who demand perfection and poisonous favors, are us, with our irrational beliefs, who further intensify the suffering that could be avoided.
One of these irrational beliefs is to think that the approval of others validates us as people, they may have made us believe this from a young age, however, to grow, mature and evolve is to get a little closer to oneself. discover that the only person we should ever let down is ourselves.
So the sooner we understand that sometimes what we do won’t be good for many, the better, we can go to bed consciously, without weight, without anxiety, it’s a great way to invest in quality of life.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t have the ability to tell jokes. Even if you refuse to pursue the career your parents dreamed of. It doesn’t matter that your best friends can touch their fingers or that when you laugh, you do it outrageously. Nothing matters as long as you are YOU in all its essence, YOU in every spoken word, in every act performed.
When a person has the courage to let go of complacency, that authentic, full and wonderful being arises that we all carry inside, and anyone who does not like to turn their backs. Anyone who does not like to go in the opposite direction, because as long as there is respect there will be coexistence, however, as we said before, the first step is to respect ourselves.
We’ll explain how you can do that
A complacent person is one of the most loving beings that can exist, others know it and many times they benefit from it. Is that exactly what they tell us in the book? Healthy selfishness: how to take care of yourself without feeling guilty? Richard and Rachel Heller, where, in addition, they describe the mental and physical exhaustion that this type of behavioral profile usually goes to. Guides.
At first, it’s going to be hard. Reflective acts don’t go away like this, out of nowhere, but keep this simple advice in mind: let a few minutes pass between the demanding person’s request and your response, and make them happy.
This will be the moment when you will no longer be complacent
Images courtesy of Isabelle Arsenault, Kristin Vestgard