In many cases we overestimate aid because we think it is synonymous with kindness, solidarity, hospitality, etc. , but the problem is that it is often not just a collaboration between people with a common goal, which we are able to achieve.
Could we call it toxic help, this attitude of solving each other’s problems without giving them the opportunity to face their own challenges. In addition to preventing you from developing your qualities, we send you a clear message: you can’t do it.
- Thus.
- Despite “our best intentions”.
- We end up contributing to personal cancellation.
- That is.
- To the cancellation of the skills.
- Opinions.
- Attitudes and skills of the aided person.
In the eyes of society, aid always seems positive; but if we look deeper, we can see that there are many cases of disabled people in their abilities thanks to some ‘good Samaritans’. Solve many challenges for them for whom they don’t really need help.
Currently, we meet many young people in this situation because of overprotective parents who end up doing everything for them, solving the social problems they have and completely eliminating any contact with frustration.
Doing things for others is always positive, as long as it is in the form of collaboration or cooperation, for example, if two people have the common goal of launching a business together, a collaboration is required: one chooses the furniture of the company, the other every morning is dedicated to advertising, etc.
This would be an example of true collaboration that enriches both sides, as both will benefit from their common goal and, as a result, the company will be more likely to thrive.
However, helping someone in a one-way way way can be harmful because they deny the skills of the person being helped. In addition, it can also feed false thoughts about this person:
? The beneficiary of the aid may believe that they really need help. Do you think the other person has an obligation to help?She thinks it’s important to the person who’s helping her.
As a result, neither party benefits from this assistance, one person receives the message that without help he is unable and is a fatal blow to his self-esteem, the other becomes anxious, believing that he cannot deny the favors that the person will ask for, thinking that without his help he will not succeed.
Of course, the relationship between the caregiver and the caregiver can be severely damaged, the one who helps will always be anxious and waiting for what others need, setting aside their own needs, which can even lead to rejection.
These problems can be seen in some families where there are helicopters, toxic or overprotective parents. These parents cannot bear the thought that their child is suffering, but their conception of suffering is very wrong.
They are usually parents who have had a difficult childhood and do not want their children to experience the same problems. In this way, they practice extreme protection: they solve all problems, even those for which children are already trained; they do so until children reach an age when they can lead an independent life.
What’s going on? The children did not learn, as the parents lived everything for them, they were never wrong and therefore never felt frustrated and did not learn from these mistakes: the only way to really learn.
Children’s development is stagnant, when they actually have great potential to exploit. When they become adults, they are unable to make their own decisions and solve their problems. They are people who often suffer from self-esteem problems: they tell themselves that they are cannot deal with problems without the help of people.
They become people in need and this affects all areas of their lives, so they choose couples who behave in the same way as their parents, because they have not been able to develop their own skills.
If we really want to help or collaborate with someone, the idea that should guide us is the desire for that person to develop and gain self-confidence, to help them nurture their self-esteem by focusing on what they do well, encouraging them to make decisions by showing the countless opportunities and helping them develop their skills.
It is important to be patient, to accept that life brings frustrations and that no one dies for them.
If you do not want the person to suffer and remove all the obstacles in his life, he will not be allowed to develop, he will not have to act, make mistakes and correct, look for alternatives, etc. , because we do everything for that.
For example, if our child can’t find a job, but we give him a table every month that allows him to live well, why would he look for a job?He doesn’t need anything! But is that a problem? If we continue to do so, what will become of the day when we are no longer in this world to help you?
In this case, collaborating would help you write a resume, choose a trade, look for work, so you realize that you are the protagonist of your own life. What do you think?