Dear “I,” let’s stop fighting for someone who doesn’t love us. We will fight to stop suffering for a love with many contradictions. Let us put dignity in our hearts and take out this emotional dictatorship to say courageously, “I am leaving you because I love myself. “
We know it’s not easy. We are aware that in our brain there is no reset button, emergency exit or window that opens so that the cool breeze can oxygenate the prison of our pain, the brain is stubborn, methodical and persevering, it is an entity that fights and persists in keeping emotional memories, because in the end they are responsible for this great mark of our identity.
“To forget a love, there is no better remedy than another love or land in between. -Lope de Vega-
They say that loving without being loved is like trying to light a candle with a match off, and the truth is that we don’t quite know why we do this, why we strive to worship someone who doesn’t love us. and resist these cognitive biases of “If I say this, could it be?” if I change that, is it possible that?like we’re going to do something like that.
However, love is not a vending machine. It is not enough to put a coin and press a button to get what we expected, sometimes all you have to do is take this step: kill false hopes and stop dying in life for those who walk in other directions and with other companies.
A moment ago we wondered why it was like this: why it is so complex to page and act more integrity when we are aware that they do not like us, the answer to this question is, of course, in the complex and always fascinating neurological world. To better understand it, we give an example.
We spend a few days in which we have the full feeling that everything is fine, we are overcoming this separation. However, one afternoon we meet someone who wears the same perfume as our ex and almost not knowing how, suffering approaches us again to immobilize us and take us back to the brink of tears.
Antoine Bechara is a well-known neurobiologist at the University of California who has defined what we call “brain conflict. “When a person is rejected, the brain remains attached to certain stimuli, images, and memories. The neural network responsible for executing this The intimate but powerful relationship lies in two very specific areas: between the hippocampus and the amygdala.
We must not forget that these structures govern and orchestrate any memory intimately related to emotions, in this way each experience with this special person has been recorded with fire and, in turn, anchored to certain stimuli that act as triggers or evocative memories.
Therefore, when we smell a perfume, when we see certain kinds of clothes, a photo or when we walk past this restaurant where we dine on the weekend, our neurotransmitters are activated to the point of becoming genuinely addicted to this impossible love.
It’s not that easy to break this bond or calm this brain conflict
The anatomy of rejection and abandonment is fleshy, deep and complex. We know that our reluctance to turn the page is not always voluntary, that our brain also fuels this condemnation in its vicious and biochemical cycle.
However, neurologists tell us that the “time factor”?eventually reduces the activity of these linked memories. The brain connections that give rise to such negative emotions are losing strength, until it become the echo of a sad and distant melody that we will eventually evoke with less pain.
The passage of the months will allow us to proceed more warmly, as long as we apply the right psychological strategies we will stop feeding the sect to those who do not love us, below we will explain what strategies can help.
“Oh, my God, if you don’t love her, remember to love yourself above all. “That would certainly be the main premise of which we should be a part. However, it is clear that people have not taught us to give up or lose. , that’s why it’s so hard for us to break all kinds of ties.
Loving someone who does not love us is extremely painful, but worse is to stop loving us for someone who does not even deserve us, act with integrity and wisdom, always knowing that we must love only what is worthy to be loved.