It is common to have rooted the idea that selfish people are narcissistic, we believe that these people only care for themselves, that they value themselves and love each other above all, yet the reality is very different: selfish people not only have difficulty loving. others, but also love themselves.
We understand that a selfish person is one who only cares for himself, lacks respect and interest in the needs of others, relates to people mainly for their usefulness and the benefits that can derive from it.
- As a result.
- They establish instrumental relationships to meet their needs.
- Regardless of the emotional side of people.
- This can happen.
- In turn.
- For fear of getting too involved in relationships and being hurt.
- So in reality what they do is run away from love.
The selfish person does not get satisfaction to give; your concern is essentially what you will receive in return, this can give the impression that all that energy that concentrates on itself is due to the self-esteem you feel, yet all these attitudes imply a great inability to love oneself.
“You see nothing but yourself; judges others for their usefulness; is fundamentally incapable of loving. Doesn’t this prove that concern for others and for yourself are inevitable alternatives?This would be true if selfishness and self-love were the same, but such an assumption is precisely the mistake that has led to so many erroneous conclusions about our problems. -Erich Fromm-
It is common for people to confuse self-esteem with selfishness, the person who loves himself is far from looking like a selfish person, because there are known differences that indicate real concern for himself and the people around him.
When we immerse ourselves in self-care, in turn, we begin to better understand others; self-awareness is the only way to be aware of our own limitations, the lack of self-ception, and all the fears underlying our own behavior.
“Selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are truly opposites. The selfish individual does not love himself very much, but very little; in fact, he hates himself. Such a lack of affection and attention is nothing more than an expression. “of your lack of productivity, leaves you empty and frustrated, necessarily feels unhappy and eager to get the satisfactions you avoid getting from life. -Erich Fromm-
It is essential to love oneself before we can love others, this fact is paramount and it is far from what selfishness is, responding and listening to our own needs, giving them the courage they deserve, implies respect for oneself, fundamental to learning to love each one. Other.
Taking into account our emotions, expressing them and accepting them, transforms us into more authentic people with who are easy to identify with by intimacy and trust, and not by the fear of being hurt, which does not cease. only in superficial relationships, where we will add layers that prevent us from seeing our own ability to love.
The idea expressed in the Bible verse?Love your neighbor as yourself? It implies that respect for one’s own integrity and uniqueness, love and self-understanding cannot be separated from the respect, love and understanding of the other individual. Love for yourself is inextricably linked to love for all other beings. Erich Fromm-
Just as the selfish person is incapable of loving, it also happens to the person who has a great concern for others and devotes himself entirely to his environment, disconnecting from himself, in this way he thinks he feels so much love that he is able to give up his needs.
This example is easy to see in overprotective mothers and people who forget themselves to pay attention to others and be available to them when they need it, they are people who are dedicated to the needs of others as if they were their own.
This way of loving can be confused with very good people, who are willing to give themselves selflessly and love others even more than themselves, this conclusion is also misleading about the fact that the selfish loves himself very much. Forms of love are self-deception in which exaggerated compensation for their inability to love is manifested.
“It is easier to understand selfishness by comparing it to a greedy concern for others, such as that found, for example, in an overprotective mother. Although she consciously thinks she is extremely affectionate with her son, she actually has a deeply repressed hostility. towards the object of his concerns, his exaggerated care is not due to excessive love for the child, but to the fact that he needs to compensate for his total inability to love him. -Erich Fromm-
As we can see from examples of selfish people and people who do not care about themselves, these are two ways in which there is no love for oneself, so there can be no love for others.
“From this we infer that my own person must be the object of my love, as is the other person. The affirmation of life, happiness, growth and freedom is rooted in the very capacity to love, that is, in attention, respect, responsibility and knowledge. If an individual is able to love productively, he also loves himself; if you just love others, you can’t love at all. ? -Erich Fromm-