Mother, a very big word. Beautiful for many, with many meanings and around which there are memories, aromas and, of course, children. The role of the mother, however, is a role that has limitations, because if some people do it in a certain way, exceeding these limits, it is possible to endanger both mother and children, generating dependence and insecurity, such as some overprotective mothers.
I don’t want this article to be one more article that lists the things we do wrong, I just want to talk about the behaviors and attitudes we can adopt to balance our role as mothers. The central theme is not to try to monopolize the child’s life, nor to control everything, giving space to our children’s abilities to face the challenges that motivate their development. For him and yours.
- This title refers to the mantra by which many overprotective mothers are governed.
- However.
- This is an ambiguous message because it is part of the desire of the parents themselves and does not regard their children as people with their own desires and needs.
- Sense.
- There’s also a common phrase to be heard: “I just want my kids to have what I didn’t have.
- I don’t want to miss anything.
- “.
Each child is unique and has individual needs, tastes and personality. But when parents, and especially mothers, have different desires and expectations for their children, it is quite difficult to give them a voice, to hear what they have to say. What sport they want to do, what after-school activity is most interesting for them, what they like to eat, what they like to wear or what they want to study and do with their lives.
The mother’s mission is to be a help and support the growth of children, the mission is not to want and choose for them: the best thing for a mother may not be best for her child. When we are young children, we depend on their parents both financially and in terms of love and care. Maintaining this ends by putting parents’ wishes before the wishes of their children.
Children, however helpless they may seem, have tastes and desires from a young time, giving them choices and decision-making opportunities promotes this feature and makes them feel special and safe when they have to gradually gain their autonomy. We always know what’s best for our children, but if we make decisions for them, they’ll never know.
From an early age we can delegate decisions to our children, for example by giving them two options to decide what they want to eat, they can decide to eat chicken or fish from an early age, another example is to consult them about changes made to the house, such as decorating their room. If they cannot decide, we can at least inform them to participate in family decisions, such as moving out or changing schools.
Mothers will always see their children as helpless little ones and it becomes very difficult to promote their autonomy, however, not doing so can make our children dependent and insecure, people who do not know how to do things for themselves.
The promotion of autonomy can be done from an early age. The practice of this statement begins by doing nothing the child can do for himself. If you can start from 8 to 9 months, start. This can be done by entering the baby weeding method or baby-guided weeding.
Another way to promote our children’s independence is to integrate them into household chores: to help us take out trash, make bed, wash dishes, care for animals or plants, or help us prepare food or home based on their abilities Abilities generally far superior to what one can imagine.
Children like to participate and feel useful. As we have already said, we can promote autonomy even when they are still very small. If we haven’t started yet, it’s better late than never. It’s always time to start. In this way, we will no longer be the leaders of our children’s lives and raise children who can solve their problems with greater self-esteem and self-confidence.
In today’s world we suffer from an evil that greatly values titles at the expense of anything else, we, as parents, let our children influence it and prioritize our children’s education and qualifications, forgetting other experiences, equal or even more rewarding. , but they do not improve a child’s academic performance. Education and education become the most important part of life, and sometimes all we care about in relation to our children.
We centralize everything in this concept of education, which is very limited, and we punish or fight when they do not get the best grades, we make them dedicate their afternoons to books. Weekends and holidays for them to study. To top it all off, when our children fail, we seek an explanation for the cognitive problems or problems that caused their school failure.
To avoid this scenario, mothers also end up sacrificing their free time to study or lecture with their children, control the performance of their tasks, or even end up doing their duty to get a good grade. it’s not our job. This means finding the right time and space for them and helping them organize properly. Encourage them, but never do it for them. As children get older, they should understand that homework is their responsibility, that it is important, and that they have three goals:
It is difficult to grow up with our children and gradually give them a space that allows them to grow and gives them time to develop and stimulate their personal skills, however it is absolutely necessary. As necessary as giving them house, food or clothes. In this sense, overprotective mothers must go step by step to become mothers who accompany and encourage, who believe, but do not decide.
This means that we must support children in their dreams and goals, even if we do not like them, they may not be the goals we would have chosen, but let us not forget that this is not our life, but theirs. that as adults we have great power to influence her, either to make her wonderful or to thwart all her dreams. This is, and not another, the true sacrifice that education requires.